I have no stories. This is why you get this bullet point shit.

• I am working this Saturday. I object.
• The news has just told me that the sailors have arrived. This is very amusing. When the sailors arrive, they flood the pubs and clubs and every girl within a 25km radius is guaranteed to pick up, if they want to. Please note that I am not a Sailor Girl - I'm just used to seeing them in dark corners, slipping their wedding rings into their pockets and discreetly trying to put their hands down girls' pants. I find it funny to refer to the navy boys as Marines, and to the marines as Navy Boys. They hate me after that. Does anyone else get Sailor Week?
• The news also just featured a story on the fire situation in Anakie. The story directly afterwards had the caption, 'Friendly Fire'. I thought it would have been suitable if the previous story had had the caption, 'Very Shitty Fire'. But this is not funny, because fire is a bastard.
• Hey. This blog has turned all current affairs all of a sudden. This is Ray Martin. Goodnight.
• If anyone has any of Air's albums and wants to send them to me, or, cough, you know, copies - notthatIcondonepiracythisismydisclaimer - hook me up, yo.
• Yes, I used the word 'yo'. I'm all pimpin' and shit. This is Snoop Dogg. Goodnight.
• There is a girl at work who stares at me. I turn around, and she is staring. I am frightened and want her to stop looking at me, or perhaps go away and die. Dear Agony Aunt, or Good-Advice Grandma, what do I do?
• I AM GOING OVERSEAS NEXT YEAR AND IT CONSUMES MY EVERY THOUGHT. Particularly the niggling 'you only get to travel for a month, bitch,' voice in my head, which sounds quite suspiciously like Liz Hurley. Does anyone else find British actresses who were cheated on by Hugh Grant even though they're absolutely stunning residing in their heads?
• Do I ask too many questions?

• I am distracted by Giselle Bundchen.
  

This is Liz Hurley. Goodnight.