Why I should never, ever be allowed in pet shops:
"Ooh, puppies! Puppies puppies puppies! Look at that one! He's trying to kill the other one! He's so cute! Ooh, birds! I want a bird. Hi, birdy! Look, he's trying to bite my finger! Ow, birdy! OW. Stupid bastard bird. KITTY! Hi, kitty. Wake up, kitty! KITTY. Stupid kitty. I hate kitties. Puppies! Ooh!"
Etc. If you think you might possibly like to kill me, join the queue behind the pet shop staff.
I bought a bed. It was a bargain bed, and so cheap that I suspect it is secretly a second-hand bed formerly owned by somebody who peed, shat, and had sex on it numerous times. It may be a brothel bed. Who knows. But you just don't get beds at that price. I will sterilise it. With steam, hot water, and dettol.
Those are the only sterilising things that spring to mind.
Contrary to popular belief, I am not drunk. But I have just eaten some particularly delicious cheese.
Tonight. Tonight I am having soup for dinner. What are you having?
"Ooh, puppies! Puppies puppies puppies! Look at that one! He's trying to kill the other one! He's so cute! Ooh, birds! I want a bird. Hi, birdy! Look, he's trying to bite my finger! Ow, birdy! OW. Stupid bastard bird. KITTY! Hi, kitty. Wake up, kitty! KITTY. Stupid kitty. I hate kitties. Puppies! Ooh!"
Etc. If you think you might possibly like to kill me, join the queue behind the pet shop staff.
I bought a bed. It was a bargain bed, and so cheap that I suspect it is secretly a second-hand bed formerly owned by somebody who peed, shat, and had sex on it numerous times. It may be a brothel bed. Who knows. But you just don't get beds at that price. I will sterilise it. With steam, hot water, and dettol.
Those are the only sterilising things that spring to mind.
Contrary to popular belief, I am not drunk. But I have just eaten some particularly delicious cheese.
Tonight. Tonight I am having soup for dinner. What are you having?
posted by GBE at 3:03 pm
6 Comments:
Weight-watchers soup for one, some beef jerky and chocolate - 2AM food.
Have you tried releasing the mattress into a total vacuum? That's usually the only way to get rid of Tribbles, Aliens, Renegade Space Marines or Evil Mattress Funk.
I don't have a Total Vacuum. I have a Volta Vacuum, and I can turn it up to Very Strong Suction. Is that the same?
Yes, that is supreme suction.
*vows to think before commenting next time*
Ooh, new Olivia!
Marinated pork - broiled until beautifully browned. Chick peas in virgin olive oil with crushed fresh garlic, salt and pepper. Whole wheat pita bread. Salad with mushrooms, black olives, and croutons. Toasted pine nut cous-cous.
Mmmmmmmmm!
- M
Well, hey, my soup had, you know, beans in it, and, um, watery stuff, and, um.
That is so unfair.
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