On the weekend, I decided to take John over to Kangaroo Point to see the bearded dragons. At this time of year, approximately three million of them come out of hiding and start running around excitedly and sitting on rocks and things. It's all very interesting and Australian and exciting, especially to English John, who points and says things like, 'ooh-er guvner, apples 'n' pears, 'ows yer father,' etc.
So we went to a prime viewing spot, and the lizards all crowded together and posed for me:
"Wow," I said. "What a great shot. There must be at least one, two, three, four, HOLY SHIT HOLY SHITTY SHITTING SHIT THERE'S A REALLY BIG SNAKE."
"Ooh-er," said John.
I considered grabbing it and having a bit of a wrestle, in tribute to Steve Irwin, but in the end decided to leave it alone. We did drop into the nearest info centre and informed the Nature People that it was there, given the many curious children frolicking in the area, plus the houses and all that, but apparently humungous snakes that could fit me in their belly (with room to spare) are Just Fine. In fact, the Nature Wench gave me the helpful advice of, "Don't touch it if you're scared of it."
Oh, thank YOU! I was just about to pick it up and give it a BIG PASH.
Then we had beer.
We did not buy a car. We came to the conlusion that car yards are full of royal arseholes who would quite happily pull out a shotgun and shoot you point blank in the face if it meant that they got another sale. Private! Private is the way to go.
So, yes, didn't manage to get a car, but did manage to get this:
That is my shoulder, which has been burnt crispier than a KFC chicken strip. I am terribly sorry for spending all of fifteen minutes in the sun, Mr. UV. Actually, Mr. UV can piss off and die. Even the fricking part in my hair is bright pink, and it hurts to brush my hair.
And here I was, privately congratulating myself on finally getting rid of all my old tan lines and settling in to my healthy, pasty, vampire-esque, blindingly-white skin. Now I look like I'm wearing a singlet when I'm not wearing anything at all.
Yes. Well.
So we went to a prime viewing spot, and the lizards all crowded together and posed for me:
"Wow," I said. "What a great shot. There must be at least one, two, three, four, HOLY SHIT HOLY SHITTY SHITTING SHIT THERE'S A REALLY BIG SNAKE."
"Ooh-er," said John.
I considered grabbing it and having a bit of a wrestle, in tribute to Steve Irwin, but in the end decided to leave it alone. We did drop into the nearest info centre and informed the Nature People that it was there, given the many curious children frolicking in the area, plus the houses and all that, but apparently humungous snakes that could fit me in their belly (with room to spare) are Just Fine. In fact, the Nature Wench gave me the helpful advice of, "Don't touch it if you're scared of it."
Oh, thank YOU! I was just about to pick it up and give it a BIG PASH.
Then we had beer.
We did not buy a car. We came to the conlusion that car yards are full of royal arseholes who would quite happily pull out a shotgun and shoot you point blank in the face if it meant that they got another sale. Private! Private is the way to go.
So, yes, didn't manage to get a car, but did manage to get this:
That is my shoulder, which has been burnt crispier than a KFC chicken strip. I am terribly sorry for spending all of fifteen minutes in the sun, Mr. UV. Actually, Mr. UV can piss off and die. Even the fricking part in my hair is bright pink, and it hurts to brush my hair.
And here I was, privately congratulating myself on finally getting rid of all my old tan lines and settling in to my healthy, pasty, vampire-esque, blindingly-white skin. Now I look like I'm wearing a singlet when I'm not wearing anything at all.
Yes. Well.
posted by GBE at 7:11 pm
12 Comments:
Just say no to the Car Yards, they're truly crappy.
Get thee over to the Auctions, I picked up a great car there for not much money at all. If you get one with a bit of rego on it you don't even need to do any of the complex paperwork.
You don't even need to know that much about cars either, just pick one that looks ok, sounds ok and isn't an obvious lemon.
Holy crap that is a really really big snake.
Not touching it was probably the best idea!!
Just because the paint is good doesn't mean it is not a lemon. . .
I'm not sure about the snake advice. How could they know it is harmless. Now, I may be pretty dumb when it comes to children but one thing I know is that when they see a snake, regardless of size, they will chase and try to carry the beast. I feel my children are safer already.
As far as the sun goes, at least you know you are OK on vitamine D. I'm pretty sure I heard somewhere that vitamine D aids in absorbtion of calcium.
I'll be first next time, I promise!
I hate snakes!!! I woulda squealed, but my fear woulda made it high pitched which would have sounded like animal fear and then it woulda launched it attack on me...
They shoulda moved it.
What a pretty python! That was the first thing I noticed about the picture. And it was probably just sunning itself... after eating a meal... of bearded dragons.
Cest la vie and circle of life and other assorted cliches here.
Christ Almighty.. I would've peed my pants right there and freaked out.. you obviously handled it better than I would.. gives me the willies just thinking about it.
I'm so sorry about your burn! Hope it gets better soon!
I would have legged it like hell from the snake!
As another shockingly white person I truly sympathise with the burn. I had a fantastic one a while back from mid forearm to just above me wrist with mud splashes on it. Lovely
Try aloe vera gel, it's great on burn
x
I would have wanted to throw rocks at the snake. I wouldn't because it's mean and because the snake would get mad and come and get me. Snakes scare me. Aren't those lizards ugly? I hate the way the run, so scary!!
You'll have a nice tan in a couple of days, so there is an upside of being burned, maybe try a little self tanning body lotion to get rid of your pale singlet :)
I've also heard good things about car auctions, just make sure you have the car checked or take a friend who knows about cars to make sure you get a god one.
Dude, you are hilarious! and also lame! not wrestling a snake, for shame!
P.S) Can those lizards be in our movie too? How cool are they?
Ooo err snaky! I am one of the snake liking freaks, but I think seening one un-expectedly would still completely freak me out...
James. Hello James! I have been looking into auctions too, and they seem great, but the one drawback is that I'm most likely going to have to do this through finance as right now I don't have the cash to hand over. And they want cash then and there, right? I've been looking into private buying a bit further and have found what seems to be a winner, which John is scouting out today.
Lulu, yep, it was a whopper. And it was pretty active, too. Slithering around all over the place. I don't think he would've done me any harm if I'd moved any closer but I figured I'd better play it safe.
Abe, the Nature Woman had no idea whether it was harmless or not. She didn't even ask me what type of snake it was. She just sounded tired and miserable that she was working on a Sunday. If any kids are eaten, it can rest on her conscience.
Enny, I think so too. About the moving, that is - not the launching. I don't mind snakes so much. As long as they're, you know, not anywhere near me.
Phishez, I couldn't see any humungous lumps on it anywhere, which is normally what they have after they've eaten (right?). But he can't have been too hungry because we watched a pigeon land right in front of it and sit there having a preen. Unless snakes are fussy eaters. Hell, I wouldn't eat a pigeon.
Miss Devylish, he was a few metres away and on some hard to reach rocks, so it was ok. He wasn't giving us the evil eye, or anything. Just sort of slithering back and forth and playing with his lizard friends. Reptiles unite!
Ellie, oh, how I long for Aloe Vera. My mum's got a humungous bush/plant/thing but she is far too far away. It's pretty much gone now, and the itching has kicked in. Curse the itching! It's going to take years for my white skin singlet to fade.
Jen, those lizards have been scaring the crap out of me every morning. I'll be strolling along, on my way to work, when all of a sudden it sounds like something is launching out of the bushes at me and I have to leap to the side and wee myself. But it is just a bearded dragon going for a run. I do like them in general, though. They're one of few Australian creatures that can't kill me.
Adam, yes, they can be in our movie. If we could teach them to sing and do kung fu, then what more do we need?
Girlonlust, it did come as a bit of a shock. I've lived in the area for years and never seen a snake. I was all 'lizard, lizard, another lizard, three more lizards, lizard, snake, lizards... snake. SNAKE!'
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