Let us sing and dance in an internet-based frenzy, for my internet peeps have Got Their Shit together and are allowing me to peruse blogs, lonelygirl15's videos, and porn (I think I've covered the whole of the internet there?) to my heart's content once more.
To celebrate, here is some marvellous (cough) bullet pointage of the highest order:
To celebrate, here is some marvellous (cough) bullet pointage of the highest order:
- The other night at dancing (yes, I am still going, and yes, I am yet to maim anyone!) I was doing a bit of a swirlytwirl when I gracefully stepped forward and gave my partner a nice gentle nudge in the groin. And you're thinking that this is my subtle way of saying that I completely crotch-crippled the poor guy, but no, I am serious, it was a stripper-lap-dance-dirty-tarty crotch stroke. Which, to be quite frank, is approximately one MILLION times worse than a proper knee to the groin. Well, from my point of view, anyway. At least if I'd kneed him he would've doubled over and I could've apologised profusely, but is it really appropriate for me to stop and say, "oh, I'm sorry for stroking your penis through your clothing with my thigh." Is it? Instead, I remained very calm, turned only slightly purple, and tactfully ignored it.
- My job is bullshit, and bollocks, and a royal load of arse.
- I have begun a half-arsed attempt at learning Spanish (or, as we bilingual-types call it, good ol' ess-pan-yoll) and though I can only say good morning, what's your name? and I'll have an orange juice, thanks, I'm doing a tremendous job when it comes to pronunciation. It might be something to do with coming from a part of the world where the place names sound like a chain-smoker having a five-minute coughing fit, but I am just fabulous at all of the dislodging phlegm words. I don't just want my sandwich with jamon, I want it with chhhggghhlllllhhhhhamon, gracias. I'm sorry, let me wipe you down.
- You may have noticed that, according to my sidebar, I have been reading Love in the time of Cholera for approximately twelve years now, with no end in sight. Truth be told, I did finish it quite a long time ago but I appear to be completely rubbish at taking photos of the new books and updating that Reading bit. This is completely boring for you and all I really wanted was an excuse to mention that the book mentioned above took up hours of my life that I will never get back, and seemed to consist of page upon page of boring drivel with a wee bit of paedophilia thrown in for good measure. Hey. Just my opinion. It's a modern classic, y'know. Searching google for 'Love in the Time of Cholera is crap' and 'I hate Love in the Time of Cholera' gives me no results, so I probably just don't get it.
- Reg was going for a bit of a joy flight around the room the other night, miraculously landed on the rim of John's pint glass, and promptly plopped a shit into his beer. No, he didn't continue to drink it, despite my cries of 'it's good for you!'
posted by GBE at 7:22 pm
15 Comments:
I am glad the internet gods brought your internet back.
Dot points rule!
You crack me up. I can't believe your bird shat in your boys drink. That's gold!
Surely that's lucky or sumthin'.
I didn't mind 'Love in the Time of Cholera' but then, for quite convoluted reasons involving library books and interstate travel, I never did finish it and I read it after 'One hundred years of solitude' which just happens to be in my top five of suicide books.
See.. this is why a cat would be much better.. and they don't poo in your beer.. not usually anyway. Just on the carpet, as my Emma had done.. but you know.. she's cured now. So.
Glad you're back in the blogging world chica! Be careful dancin now! ;)
Hmmmm Spanish eh.
I have been toying with learning this too.
I need to "get a life" as they say. Oh yes.
Yay for the internet coming back to you!
I finally resigned from my job, seriously, do it, it was about the best day of work I had ever. Four more shifts EVER! It's not worth working a job you loathe.
Spanish would be so fun to learn, where did you find language lessons in Brisbane? I'd love to be billingual.
BRAVO!! And who ever said dancing was not a seductive sport!
Love the pleghm thing. Maybe Spanish would be good to learn. Around here all landscaping workers are Mexican and no matter how hard you try and tell them not to run over the fucking flowers with the mower they just give you the quizzical look and the "No abla Anglais senor" (Bull shit! Just try the beer test "You guys are perspiring perhaps a cold malt beverage would be relaxing." GUARANTEE to a man the smiles abound and "You bet boss man" is heard far and wide!
Tell John the alchohol in the beer will kill off any bacteria, so stop with the Alchohol abuse and just shoot it down. It's only bird shit!
:)
it was a stripper-lap-dance-dirty-tarty crotch stroke. Which, to be quite frank, is approximately one MILLION times worse than a proper knee to the groin.
On behalf of Mr Salsa man: no. No, no, no and HELL NO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Knee plus groin equals bad. Your move, on the other hand, just convinced him to enrol in more dance lessons.
Oh man - what did you think of the hookup on LG15?!
Welcome back!
Bird Shit Brew... it's the latest in trendy beverages!
Yes, Lulu, I agree muchly. I have been hiding under the refuge of dot points for many a year. They are my friends.
Steph, well, it's apparently lucky if they shit ON you, but I'm not sure if it applies if you drink beer that they've pooed in. Either way, he won't be getting any good luck because he refused to drink it. What a sissy.
Nails, I have been spending some time trying to think of five books featuring suicide, and I can only think of The Virgin Suicides. And I can only remember that because it has 'suicides' in the title.
Miss Devylish, I love kitties, and as soon as I can find one that won't want to immediately eat my bird I will take it home and cuddle it and thank it for not pooing in my beer.
Ilse, let's learn together! We can order ham sandwiches and launch a veritable torrent of phlegm.
Jen, you lucky girl, I am very close to telling my job to shove it and as soon as I find something ideal I will do it gladly and dance about happily. And I actually went out and splurged on one of those 'teach yourself Spanish' courses which I figure should at least get me started. I'm pretty sure there's a Spanish club in South Brisbane though that runs proper classes.
Mr. Guinness, I am going to have to visit a country where nobody speaks English so that I can pull that same trick. It sounds brilliant. Feigning complete ignorance when I feel like it. Actually, I do that already.
Mark, well, I did follow it up with 'from my point of view'. I mean, it just would've been more comfortable for me. It's just all a bit too intimate. I'm not sure I can look that guy in the eye again.
Enny, Daniel needs to rescue her from her ceremony, make her see the error of her ways and give her a big, slobbery first kiss. All on camera, of course. If it doesn't happen, I'll eat my hat.
Marcheline, thank you! I bet they'll start selling BSB in trendy cafes the world over. Any minute now. Except for the ones with bird flu. But the rest, yeah.
Not so much featuring suicide but making me want to commit. The Bell Jar, for instance, does both.
Poor Sylvia Plath. Books that make me want to commit are never ending. Every time I sit through a novel full of bullshit for which the author has been paid millions, for example. GAH.
I just finished reading both of Curtis Sittendon's books. I really liked them. She has a brilliant way of portraying awkward teenage girldom. I highly recommend 'Prep'.
I also just finished a Jodi Picoult book, an author who I would recommend if you are after something slightly above Danielle Steele resplendent with a cast of characters, love story based on stereotypes and 150+ pages of fiery courtroom action. She may just be my next favourite crap thing. And boy has she made a lot of money.
I would lastly suggest you read Bel Canto by Ann Patchett. It is quite simply beautiful.
Audrey, if you say it, it shall be done. I've got a bit of a backlog at the mo because I keep buying books (from Dymocks - curse them with their inviting shelves and pleasant music!), one of which is actually The Bell Jar which Nails mentioned (depression's a-comin'), but I am making notes of all of these titles and will start spending my cash ASAP.
(Thought I don't quite know if I can bear Jodi Picoult)
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