So I take the risk of turning on my TV and my suspicions have been confirmed. Rove makes me want to inflict serious bodily harm upon myself. Or him. Him preferably. With something sharp. Perhaps with more than one sharp bit. A hairbrush-style needle paddle, maybe.
Where oh where have you gone, decent variety television? The quietly (though occasionally blatantly) indecent days of Graham Kennedy have been replaced with a git ripping off US talk show hosts with his opening five minutes of tawdry jokes about current affairs. Fire the joke, pull the amusing face, zoom, repeat. Here's some celebrities sitting in the green room! Look, they're pulling faces! Gosh.
I think maybe I should make my own. Using a trusty handycam, I could interview local celebrities like the muso who plays at the local pub on Thursdays, and the bloke who's coming to fix my roof tomorrow. I could punctuate it with witty remarks and throw in the occasional boobie flash when things are running slow. Chat, jokes, and indecent exposure. What's not to love?
All suggestions for this exciting new venture are welcome. I will give you full credit in the, uh, credits, which I will write on an A4 piece of paper and hold up to the camera at the end.
I am currently hindered by my complete lack of comic timing and evident inability to communicate effectively before 2pm. Or maybe that only applies when I'm at work.
This is, of course, beside the point. What is most important of all is that I sincerely swear to never, ever have Kasey Chambers as a guest.
Oh, you are SO sold.
(Yes, slow night, nothing to write about, but BETTER THAN ROVE.)
Where oh where have you gone, decent variety television? The quietly (though occasionally blatantly) indecent days of Graham Kennedy have been replaced with a git ripping off US talk show hosts with his opening five minutes of tawdry jokes about current affairs. Fire the joke, pull the amusing face, zoom, repeat. Here's some celebrities sitting in the green room! Look, they're pulling faces! Gosh.
I think maybe I should make my own. Using a trusty handycam, I could interview local celebrities like the muso who plays at the local pub on Thursdays, and the bloke who's coming to fix my roof tomorrow. I could punctuate it with witty remarks and throw in the occasional boobie flash when things are running slow. Chat, jokes, and indecent exposure. What's not to love?
All suggestions for this exciting new venture are welcome. I will give you full credit in the, uh, credits, which I will write on an A4 piece of paper and hold up to the camera at the end.
I am currently hindered by my complete lack of comic timing and evident inability to communicate effectively before 2pm. Or maybe that only applies when I'm at work.
This is, of course, beside the point. What is most important of all is that I sincerely swear to never, ever have Kasey Chambers as a guest.
Oh, you are SO sold.
(Yes, slow night, nothing to write about, but BETTER THAN ROVE.)
posted by GBE at 10:22 pm
10 Comments:
GBE, I would watch a variety show presented by you even if it was presented in flash card format. I demand you roll the tape right now, as I would genuinely love to know what the man who comes to fix your roof thinks about things.
I have never met someone who hates Rove quite as much as me, you're a girl after my own heart.
I find Rove to be entirley tedious and he short, too.
Make your own show, we can totally make you famous on YouTube!
Heh.
I tuned my TV so that it won't pick up commercial stations for this precise reason: do much drivelling shit!
All i have to do is tune it in on Wednesdays to catch the Sopranos and I'm set!
TOO much. Not do much :|
My der.
Um, it's 'witty repartee'. Alhough I'm sure you have a rather large repertoire thereof.
I read Winter of Our Discontent and it was pretty good - let me know how OM&M goes.
Audrey, I'm planning on getting a video camera before I go overseas next year (it will most likely be nicked at the airport) so I'll probably experiment a bit. I used to make dodgy videos all the time with my last camera but didn't know YouTube existed back then.
Jen, yes indeed, he is very short. I was going to refer to him as Mr. Ferret in this post but didn't because I thought it made me sound horrible. And then I went and put it in this comment. I am horrible. But he is a bit ferret-like.
Ilse, my TV flickers and fizzes and is uncooperative in general in its efforts to prevent me from watching commercial TV. It doesn't need to try that hard, really - I'm convinced that all of it is bollocks. I am such an old woman.
Mark, ah, what would I do without you? I'm not sure I want repartee there either (is repartee both the singular and plural form?) so I'm going to change it to remarks, which is bland and boring and more suited to me. Of Mice and Men is a teeny-tiny book and I have about five pages left. It is quite good, and sad. But no final comments yet, because the last five pages might BLOW MY MIND.
I think the only person who thinks Rove is funny is Rove.
And for one night, the audience that gets paid to laugh at his jokes.
Fabulous idea! You should make sure you're on just before or just after the Jon Stewart Show on Comedy Central.. I'd watch for sure!
Repartee is sort of plural, I think. Can I be a script editor on your show?
Odly amore, I'd be inclined to agree with you, except every time I go to work the day after Rove has been spouting unfunny rubbish on TV, I inevitably hear, "hey, did you watch Rove? I love Rove! Rove, Rove, Rove." Which makes me want to cry, a bit.
Miss Devylish, hey now, this Comedy Central business sounds expensive. On my budget (approx. $1.50) I figure that internet fame might be the way to start. Until I, you know, land major corporate sponsorship and am given my own private jet. Like this guy. Just a matter of time, of course.
Mark, I was looking for repartee, and most of the definitions I found were singular, so I think it must be both. I'll resort to hand gestures and grunts to avoid this confusing language from now on. And I might let you be script editor. How much pay are you expecting?
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