True story.
So I'm sitting on the bus, no more than 20 minutes ago, quietly reading Atlas Shrugged and half-listening to the slightly mental lady who's decided to sit next to me and talk to herself/me. Suddenly, I hear some yelling, and I think that perhaps somebody is arguing. But I then note that it is Very Crazy Yelling and turn around to have a look.
I'm censoring all of the profanity in this one, because otherwise I would surely be sent to hell.
A nutty looking loonbag in a blue dress has turned on her seat and is screaming at somebody at the back of the bus. "You! YOU and your f**king phone call. LOOK, F**KER! I don't want to listen to your phone conversation, you RUDE C**T, so shut the f**k up! F**KHEAD! SHUT UP!"
And then she sits down.
Admittedly, there was somebody on his mobile phone at the back of the bus (but not for much longer, surprisingly), and yes, most of the people could hear him, but he wasn't loudly talking about his penis size or how he'd murdered his grandma, or anything. Definitely nothing to get riled up about.
So everyone looks at NutJob and then looks away, because everyone knows that you ignore crazy people. We continue driving along, and suddenly I sense somebody standing in the aisle.
A lady had approached CrazyNuttyHag for some reason or another. She might have been confronting her, or she might have been asking her for the time, but either way, she didn't get more than one word out before the psychotic bitch started THROWING PUNCHES AT HER HEAD.
Pandemonium!
NormalLady pushes her arms out to try and keep CrazyBitch from taking out one of her eyes, while screaming "Call the police! Please!" Meanwhile, MentalCase is flailing around, screaming "F**K OFF! GET THE F**K AWAY FROM ME! C**T! F**K!" and hurling punches and kicks at anything that moves.
The bus driver pulls over and there's a mass evacuation. But not before there's a loud smashing noise and LoonyCow SMASHES HER ARMS THROUGH THE WINDOW. We're all going 'Jesus Christ' and BusMan is on his radio going 'Jesus Christ' and NormalLady is in a corner trying to recover going 'Jesus Christ' whilst ForgotHerMeds is sprinting off down the road.
No shit.
We all pile onto another bus, while BusMan and NormalLady wait for the police to arrive.
Crazy!
"There was an attack on the other bus and a window was smashed!" I say to the new bus driver, all hurriedly and scared-like, because this is what you do, you see.
"Oh," he says, not caring, because he is a bus driver.
So. Holy shit. Any other contenders for Nutjob of the Year?
So I'm sitting on the bus, no more than 20 minutes ago, quietly reading Atlas Shrugged and half-listening to the slightly mental lady who's decided to sit next to me and talk to herself/me. Suddenly, I hear some yelling, and I think that perhaps somebody is arguing. But I then note that it is Very Crazy Yelling and turn around to have a look.
I'm censoring all of the profanity in this one, because otherwise I would surely be sent to hell.
A nutty looking loonbag in a blue dress has turned on her seat and is screaming at somebody at the back of the bus. "You! YOU and your f**king phone call. LOOK, F**KER! I don't want to listen to your phone conversation, you RUDE C**T, so shut the f**k up! F**KHEAD! SHUT UP!"
And then she sits down.
Admittedly, there was somebody on his mobile phone at the back of the bus (but not for much longer, surprisingly), and yes, most of the people could hear him, but he wasn't loudly talking about his penis size or how he'd murdered his grandma, or anything. Definitely nothing to get riled up about.
So everyone looks at NutJob and then looks away, because everyone knows that you ignore crazy people. We continue driving along, and suddenly I sense somebody standing in the aisle.
A lady had approached CrazyNuttyHag for some reason or another. She might have been confronting her, or she might have been asking her for the time, but either way, she didn't get more than one word out before the psychotic bitch started THROWING PUNCHES AT HER HEAD.
Pandemonium!
NormalLady pushes her arms out to try and keep CrazyBitch from taking out one of her eyes, while screaming "Call the police! Please!" Meanwhile, MentalCase is flailing around, screaming "F**K OFF! GET THE F**K AWAY FROM ME! C**T! F**K!" and hurling punches and kicks at anything that moves.
The bus driver pulls over and there's a mass evacuation. But not before there's a loud smashing noise and LoonyCow SMASHES HER ARMS THROUGH THE WINDOW. We're all going 'Jesus Christ' and BusMan is on his radio going 'Jesus Christ' and NormalLady is in a corner trying to recover going 'Jesus Christ' whilst ForgotHerMeds is sprinting off down the road.
No shit.
We all pile onto another bus, while BusMan and NormalLady wait for the police to arrive.
Crazy!
"There was an attack on the other bus and a window was smashed!" I say to the new bus driver, all hurriedly and scared-like, because this is what you do, you see.
"Oh," he says, not caring, because he is a bus driver.
So. Holy shit. Any other contenders for Nutjob of the Year?
posted by GBE at 5:21 pm
7 Comments:
Watch out for Atlas Shrugged... it's a nice Utopia but one conveniently lacking sickness, old people and reality.
HAH! That was great! I love scenarios like that, when you sit close enough to see the action but don't become part of the melee. Whoop! Funny.
- M
I had a girl challenge me to a fight the at the train station the other day. She was completely unhinged. She got a little bit more aggravated when I challenged her to a spelling contest instead.
I did notice that, when I was up there last new years (my estranged brother lives in Upper Kedron), there was a great number of mentally ill people riding on Brisbane public transport.
Joi, you're telling me there's old people and sickness now? Pfft. Seriously though, I'm not getting the preachy/philosophy vibe about it yet, but I've still got a long way to go.
M, I was so close I was almost showered with broken glass! I was a little bit freaked, to be honest. I prefer normal people.
Don, it's true. The odd people flock to public transport, and nearly always sit next to me. I'm yet to work out whether there's something about me they like, or whether I'm actually one of them.
I seem to attract loons & loopers too.
I must have invisible writing on my forehead "please attempt to intimidate" or something because if there is a nutter in the street they make a bee line for me.
I put it down to me being situationally aware [ie. I actually look at people and see things around me] and dont go about with my head down ignoring everyone, or just being blissfully ignorant of everything.
I reckon when I make eye contact, the Whackos make straight for me.
I know when it is going to happen, I can see it all playing out in my minds eye.
Oh and drunks too. Without fail.
I had a similar experience on a bus from Sydney to Melbourne, except the guy being yelled at didn't appear to have a phone from where I was sitting. He actually did, but was speaking far too quietly for anyone to hear.
The other difference is that he eventually tired of the nutter's ranting, got out of his seat and delivered a very commanding performance: DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN! IF I HEAR ONE MORE PEEP OUT OF YOU, YOU WILL SURELY LIVE TO REGRET IT! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, SON?
I wish there was some way to emphasise just how much louder and more forceful that last sentence was, but we only have one set of caps locks.
Cam, all the guys on my bus were sissies - not one of them said a word to her, and nobody got out of their seat to help the poor lady being mauled, except for one guy who was about three feet tall and 35kg. It was pretty bloody appalling.
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