My phone makes a plopping noise. This means that I have received a message.
change your god damn address with the electrol [sic] commission. sick of getting shit from them for you.
You know, it's funny the way these things work. It was an amicable parting, and full of tears and heartache. He said he'd always love me and be there for me, no matter what. We'd discussed splitting up, and changed our minds a hundred times, but in the end we knew it was time.
Well, I knew it was time.
It happened gradually. He called me frequently, and told me he loved me. He called me less frequently, and told me he missed me. For the last few months of my overseas trip, he sent me the occasional e-mail, telling me how great he was going.
He picked me up from the airport, took me home and asked me if I was going to stay with him. Deliberately led me into the bedroom so I could see the pictures he had of me lined up on his desk. Wore his favourite shirt. Showed me his new couch. Told me how expensive it was.
When I told him I was staying elsewhere, I noticed the first signs. The Bitterness. The pained look on his face. The way he'd give me a friend's hug, hang on for a moment too long, and then roughly pull away.
Geez exBF, I'm sorry to be such an inconvenience.
The friendly phone calls I'd receive, in which he'd ask me how I was before quickly moving on to how great he was doing. His plans to move interstate, because he'd received not one, but two job offers, both paying over $100k. Namedropping his new girlfriend. She's moving in. Sleeping in our room. In our bed.
I didn't react. I said, 'Oh, that's great.' 'Oh, she always seemed nice.' 'Oh, I'm happy for you.' He started to hate me. Because I didn't want him. Because I wasn't jealous of him. Because I didn't regret leaving him. Because I didn't express any desire for him. Because he knew I'd been spending time with somebody else.
I hate the thought that the three years we spent together have ended this way. With catty text messages and gloating phone calls. I thought we'd done it differently to the rest of the world.
It hurts.
What hurts most of all is the burgeoning spite, and the sudden realisation that maybe I really did waste three whole years of my life.
change your god damn address with the electrol [sic] commission. sick of getting shit from them for you.
You know, it's funny the way these things work. It was an amicable parting, and full of tears and heartache. He said he'd always love me and be there for me, no matter what. We'd discussed splitting up, and changed our minds a hundred times, but in the end we knew it was time.
Well, I knew it was time.
It happened gradually. He called me frequently, and told me he loved me. He called me less frequently, and told me he missed me. For the last few months of my overseas trip, he sent me the occasional e-mail, telling me how great he was going.
He picked me up from the airport, took me home and asked me if I was going to stay with him. Deliberately led me into the bedroom so I could see the pictures he had of me lined up on his desk. Wore his favourite shirt. Showed me his new couch. Told me how expensive it was.
When I told him I was staying elsewhere, I noticed the first signs. The Bitterness. The pained look on his face. The way he'd give me a friend's hug, hang on for a moment too long, and then roughly pull away.
Geez exBF, I'm sorry to be such an inconvenience.
The friendly phone calls I'd receive, in which he'd ask me how I was before quickly moving on to how great he was doing. His plans to move interstate, because he'd received not one, but two job offers, both paying over $100k. Namedropping his new girlfriend. She's moving in. Sleeping in our room. In our bed.
I didn't react. I said, 'Oh, that's great.' 'Oh, she always seemed nice.' 'Oh, I'm happy for you.' He started to hate me. Because I didn't want him. Because I wasn't jealous of him. Because I didn't regret leaving him. Because I didn't express any desire for him. Because he knew I'd been spending time with somebody else.
I hate the thought that the three years we spent together have ended this way. With catty text messages and gloating phone calls. I thought we'd done it differently to the rest of the world.
It hurts.
What hurts most of all is the burgeoning spite, and the sudden realisation that maybe I really did waste three whole years of my life.
posted by GBE at 7:56 pm
13 Comments:
I wouldn't see it as three years of wasted time, but rather as a three year learning curve. You have to kiss (or live with) a few frogs before you find your prince.The time you spent with EX taught you things about yourself and relationships, that you take forward with you. Never write-off the power and value of experience. Just look for the positive in it.
Holy shit - I totally agree with what Jason said. That makes me very nervous somehow.
For mine, I would say the guy is quite understandably devastated by you having spurned him. Massive long-term emotional damage and all that. In short: I pity the fool who messes with the T.
You should make 'em sign a waiver.
If there was even a handful of happy moments in those three years, then they weren't wasted at all.
Some people go their whole life not having one happy moment. Think of it that way and you actually came out in front :)
Fuck that sounded cheesy.
I'll just get my coat.
Mark,
Nervous???? Suck my balls mate!
I wouldn't feel bad about this blossom. It always hurts when we realise feelings of animosity or downright indifference have begun to outweigh feelings of good will towards the people we once loved. Because, if you can love someone and then not feel anything for them at all, does that make the entire relationship a lie?
it doesn't. it just makes you different now.
What scares me is knowing that this means the people we love NOW could one day meet indifference in our hearts.
Just because something doesn't mean that much to you now doesn't mean you wasted your time. You loved each other then and made each other happy for 3 (or thereabouts) year and that's important.
Or go and drink a bottle of champagne and send him a message, "bitch please, shut up."
Whatever works for you.
I think there are very few broken up couples who manage to remain friends. Dispite best intentions, someone always has an agenda...in my experience. I don't think you wasted your time, you've just moved on. It is sad though... sometimes i wonder if i could have stayed friends with my ex, but the way i see it now is that we were just too different and had different ideas of how things should be between us, which i probably why we broke up. There will be someone better (atleast i bloody hope so!)... :)
Time wasted having fun is rarely time wasted at all.
It's amazing what comes out in people when they think what they say and do doesn't "matter" anymore (ie: when they're not benefitting from being nice to you any more).
Forget three years - just be glad you didn't marry him! Imagine yourself twenty or thirty years from now saying, "Gee, I wish I didn't waste my entire life..."
You've been given a gift - go forward, run - accept it!
Don't waste so much time staring at the closed door that you fail to see the open window.
Here endeth my platitudes for the day.
8-)
- M
I am having similar vibes too.
My wife of 16 years, mother of my two kids, had been asking me to leave for years before I actually did. [Denial is not just a river in Egypt].
I "ruined her life" by not living up to her exacting expectatons, or something. *ouch!* Too long a tale to tell.
So, one day, last August, I tell her she is right, that I should go [no one else was involved] and I get asked to leave there and then, and since then, there has been no end of very similar vibes coming from my her. She wanted me to go but now seems to resent me for it.
I niavely thought she would be happy, that this would give her what she wants, but no, she just got worse and there is a general low grade stream of resentment and bile that I get, even though I did as she demanded, for last time!
Your ex is pissed off you are not begging him to take you back. Mine is pissed off as she now realises the peril of getting exactly what she wished for. Net result: sullen moments punctuated with bitterness.
But now? I am beginning not to care about her behaviour. I just focus on what is positive about all of this [my kids], do what I need to do and get on with my new life.
Jason, it was definitely an experience and a half. I think I'm a bit wiser now. A bit. Not a lot. A bit.
Mark, you know me, I'm a heartbreaker and all that. Cough.
Steph, I get you, it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, right? And all that jazz. Right on, sister.
Jason, there you were acting all clever and mature and you ruin it by suddenly turning twelve. Perhaps you could tell people to do things to your private parts in your own comments? Ta.
Audrey, that is a scary thought. Who knows what the future will bring. Stupid future. It's always screwing things up.
Lucy, mmm, champagne. I don't think it was a complete waste of time. But with the benefit of hindsight it's tough to look back and see the things I really should've noticed a hell of a lot earlier, which would've influenced my choice to stay with him as long as I did.
Angela, it's just too difficult to stay friends, I think. The conversations are awkward and everything's just too familiar. I haven't spoken to him for longer than ten minutes at a time since we split up.
Ah, Phishez, too true, too true.
Marcheline, that's definitely that way to look at it. We went through a stage where we were determined to get married and we were just waiting until we were a little more settled with some more cash in our pockets. Thank God we came to our senses before we had the chance to jump into it.
Brett, I'm at the not caring stage too, but it was just a shock to suddenly see how much he resents me. This relationship business is a real pain in the arse.
gbe
You are so right, that was childish (funny at the time, very funny) but childish.
Which begs the question; do we ever really grow up? Do you feel any different now (pyschologically/mentally) than you did say 5 years ago?
Oh yes, and I forgot to apologise to Mark,
Sorry mate. No harm intended.
Post a Comment
<< Home