Boy, have I had a shit few weeks health-wise. First the son of a bitch wisdom tooth forcing its way inside my flesh and causing not only a throat infection, but an ear infection. Yeah, thanks tooth, for not being able to fit in my God damn mouth like all my other teeth do. What are you there for? Why, God, why? Do you aid mastication? NO.
Secondly, a week ago, and I was up half the night regurgitating the contents of my stomach due to either some suspicious sushi or nasty nachos. Boy, that was pleasant. It had been a long time between non-alcohol-induced vomiting moments. And I'd rather like to avoid those from now on.
BUT NO! Why must I speak too soon? Allow me to introduce you to sickness number three, which kicked in on Saturday night and has been playing havoc with my poor body by inflicting racking coughs, pounding headaches and YES, some more midnight vomming.
I cannot help but think that my immune system must be completely shot to shit, and that it may be in part due to my extremely rubbish diet which currently consists of M&M's and Coke.
This will make it two weeks in a row that I have had to call in sick on a Monday, which looks Extremely Bloody Dodgy, but then again I do not care because we all know what I think of my work. The only downside being that I will not get paid, though, because if you do not have a doctor's certificate - even if a doctor's visit is completely unnecessary - then obviously you are a sickie-chucking LIAR who deserves to have their pay docked and be left scrounging for the next fortnight.
Jesus. And... breathe.
To top all of this off, every time I have a dance class I wake up with an enormous festering zit somewhere on my face, which, despite my 'gentle encouragement' manages to remain large and proud (and sometimes grows in size) by the time my lesson comes around, so that all the boys I have to dance with are probably completely repulsed and have to look at me through squinted eyes so that it doesn't appear that all they can see is my gargantuan welt.
Today's pus volcano is situated directly above my top lip. GET READY BOYS.
But gosh, this cup of tea is just lovely.
I have decided that it's not worth staying at my work until we get a car, just so I can get half-price insurance for it, because a saving of $250 (or so) cannot be compared to another month of wanting to stab myself in the ears. So I am officially On The Market and will start applying for jobs posthaste. Perhaps I could even make a couple of calls today with my nasal snot voice and continually interrupt the conversation with fits of coughing.
Yeah. I know how to impress.
(Hire me? Please?)
Secondly, a week ago, and I was up half the night regurgitating the contents of my stomach due to either some suspicious sushi or nasty nachos. Boy, that was pleasant. It had been a long time between non-alcohol-induced vomiting moments. And I'd rather like to avoid those from now on.
BUT NO! Why must I speak too soon? Allow me to introduce you to sickness number three, which kicked in on Saturday night and has been playing havoc with my poor body by inflicting racking coughs, pounding headaches and YES, some more midnight vomming.
I cannot help but think that my immune system must be completely shot to shit, and that it may be in part due to my extremely rubbish diet which currently consists of M&M's and Coke.
This will make it two weeks in a row that I have had to call in sick on a Monday, which looks Extremely Bloody Dodgy, but then again I do not care because we all know what I think of my work. The only downside being that I will not get paid, though, because if you do not have a doctor's certificate - even if a doctor's visit is completely unnecessary - then obviously you are a sickie-chucking LIAR who deserves to have their pay docked and be left scrounging for the next fortnight.
Jesus. And... breathe.
To top all of this off, every time I have a dance class I wake up with an enormous festering zit somewhere on my face, which, despite my 'gentle encouragement' manages to remain large and proud (and sometimes grows in size) by the time my lesson comes around, so that all the boys I have to dance with are probably completely repulsed and have to look at me through squinted eyes so that it doesn't appear that all they can see is my gargantuan welt.
Today's pus volcano is situated directly above my top lip. GET READY BOYS.
But gosh, this cup of tea is just lovely.
I have decided that it's not worth staying at my work until we get a car, just so I can get half-price insurance for it, because a saving of $250 (or so) cannot be compared to another month of wanting to stab myself in the ears. So I am officially On The Market and will start applying for jobs posthaste. Perhaps I could even make a couple of calls today with my nasal snot voice and continually interrupt the conversation with fits of coughing.
Yeah. I know how to impress.
(Hire me? Please?)
posted by GBE at 8:05 am
7 Comments:
You're hired! Just move to Florida, USA, learn how to deal with a select small (650) group of wealthy home and condo owners, kiss butt like a pro, and decide that them with the gold in fact make the "Golden Rule".
Hope you feel better!
Can't help but wonder (sorry) you would not be getting "older" like the rest of us?
Mr. Guinness
I am so jealous you are getting out of the insurance thing, I'd love to leave but it's not worth it until the start of next year.
I hope your pimple settles down.
Spewing, zitty and working a shit job? You must feel so much younger :)
You know... some of these symptoms point to you being preggers!
ah HAH!
I am too much of a gentleman to point out the whole "baby" symptoms.
The wisdom teeth thing could well upset the balance of your throat, thus dragging your guts down with it.
As for the zits...C'mon you must remember what happens to anyone who goes to a dance with attractive members of the opposite sex there? You will get a zit out of some horror movie. Wake up, fine, but by 4pm, volcano face! Except you are not 15. Hmmmm. Odd.
Any other obvious symptoms of "that-which-shall-not-be-mentioned"? LOL!
Mr. Guinness, hurrah! But do they ever complain? Because I've had my fill of complaints and would most likely tell them to stick their complaints square up their arses. Maybe I'm not the best person for the job. And hey now, I'm 23, my body isn't supposed to be giving up yet, is it?
Jen, I had the same mentality - I've got South America next Feb so nobody will want to hire me for permanent work. I figured I'd stick it out til then but it's been driving me so utterly bananas lately that I've decided that a five-month contract with someone (which will probably pay more) would be much preferable. I've just got to find something, now. And the pimple is looking less angry today and I ended up cancelling the class because John's caught my horrible disease, so when we reschedule my complexion might cooperate.
Ah, yes, Mark. Takes me right back to 19. And 20. Actually, 21-23, too. Oh, arse.
Joi! Naughty man. Do you not know that I am the symbol of chastity; a beacon of purity? Sigh. Seriously though, it did cross my mind, particularly after the repeated vomiting. I won't worry about it too much just yet but it's very unlikely, anyhoo.
Marcheline! No! I'm not sure which symptoms would suggest it, really, besides the throwing up (and by 'morning sickness', do they really mean three-in-the-morning sickness?). I mean, a wisdom tooth, a dodgy meal and the flu can't mean anything, really.
KH, I do honestly think that all three are unrelated and that I'm just having a really bad run at the moment. I would've still been recovering from the first wisdom-tooth-induced infection which probably hasn't helped this sickness any. I don't understand the zits at all. I know I've been eating loads of rubbish food lately, so that probably doesn't help. I wish my body would realise it's not going through puberty anymore.
You people really are dreadful gossips, you know.
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