Apologies for yesterday's drunken rubbish. These things happen after somebody throws themself even further in debt (but now I have all the furniture necessary for a normal household, and don't have to put my TV on a cardboard box anymore!) and celebrates by going to the pub at 3:30pm, drinking four pints and dribbling stew down their chin.
And I really did sign up for Latin dance classes. Not only that, but I signed John up too, because he was stupid enough to drunkenly agree. There's no turning back.
I had a plan for tomorrow. I was going to work all day, turn into One Tough Bitch and cancel my gym membership, and then go and check out the dancing prancing place to see what I've got myself into.
And I looked at this plan, and saw that it was good, except for one little hiccup.
That Gym Business.
I pulled out the terms and conditions and the Fitness Industry Code of Practice. I figured I'd better be well-versed in all of the fine print before I went in refusing to take no for an answer.
Twenty minutes later, I realised that I don't have a leg to stand on. Yeah, I can cancel, but it's subject to their termination fee. Their termination fee is basically to pay out the contract. And I know I could go in there just being extremely difficult and bitchy and it might get me somewhere, but I much prefer to have the upper hand.
So I'm a bit at a loss.
The other options:
And I really did sign up for Latin dance classes. Not only that, but I signed John up too, because he was stupid enough to drunkenly agree. There's no turning back.
I had a plan for tomorrow. I was going to work all day, turn into One Tough Bitch and cancel my gym membership, and then go and check out the dancing prancing place to see what I've got myself into.
And I looked at this plan, and saw that it was good, except for one little hiccup.
That Gym Business.
I pulled out the terms and conditions and the Fitness Industry Code of Practice. I figured I'd better be well-versed in all of the fine print before I went in refusing to take no for an answer.
Twenty minutes later, I realised that I don't have a leg to stand on. Yeah, I can cancel, but it's subject to their termination fee. Their termination fee is basically to pay out the contract. And I know I could go in there just being extremely difficult and bitchy and it might get me somewhere, but I much prefer to have the upper hand.
So I'm a bit at a loss.
The other options:
- Freeze my membership for another two months, pay for two months membership legitimately and then take my plane ticket in, saying that I'm moving to Peru. Permanently. No, I don't speak Spanish. Is that a problem? I'm allowed to move to Peru if I want to.
- Force them to cancel the membership by breaching my terms and conditions. That is, cause damage to equipment or take in a pack of tic-tacs and wave them around, yelling, 'LOOK AT MY ANABOLIC STEROIDS.'
- Cancel my credit card. Which would cause an enormous amount of shit.
posted by GBE at 10:49 am
10 Comments:
I'm sending you bitch vibes in the hope that it will help with the gym thing. It's okay, I have plently of bitch to spare.
Maybe if you could have yourself declared medically unfit...
Break a leg ;)
nailpolishblues might be onto something...
Go to your Doctor and have a teary about how depressed you are, and how it's just so hard and you're trying to get yourself out of debt, but the gym won't help, and you just don't know what you might do if things don't start working out.
If he/she doesn't take the hint you could just always ask if it would be possible they give you a certificate to help you get out of it.
P.S Don't cancel your credit card, I've considered it before but the amount of time and effort involved it applying for a new card and setting everything up again would not be worth it.
LOVE the tic tac thing! Now that's the kind of creativity I most definately know you have! Take it a level higher and leave a note on the Bulletin Board of the gym asking if anyone found a prescription you lost for high dosage lithium and warning everyone not to fill it as the side effects are fatal unless your level of psychotic behavior is being controlled as part of the early release from the institution.
(p.s. don't forget to sign it so they can find you and offer you your money back!)
Have a great week, love your blog
I just went through this with Katarina Cuntface at Next Generation (Of Soulless Fucktards). How did I get out of my contract? Lots of yelling and screaming. I also told them that I'd been fired and the fact they were trying to make me pay made them inhuman. And I stood in their foyer and spoke loudly about how people shouldn't sign up with them because the hidden fees will bite them on the bottom.
Basically, it will work like any service. Go in calm and explain that you've lost your job and you can't afford the fees. They won't accept that, so you yell and scream as loudly as possible (on site), and eventually they'll work something out just to shut you up. You might have to pay three months or something. That's what I did.
My back up plan was going to be contacting Today Tonight. That show works because it directs massive public opinion without really having any facts. Even if you ARE in the wrong, Fitness First will still look bad!
Consider it.
You could also claim that you're really unsatisfied with the gym's services and equipment and so you're revoking your employ of them.
This one is easy. Forge yourself a death certificate, then just drop it off. That's right, drop it off yourself! One of two things will happen; 1) They will buy it and cancel the membership or 2) This you are a crazy twat and cancel the membership. Wait, this makes no sense at all!
Um, why don't you just GO TO THE GYM? After canceling those dance lessons, of course!
*snort*
- M
Don't worry about Marcheline. She's just being butch.
I like the Peru option - tell 'em you're going off to start the socialist revolution.
Don't worry about Mark. He's just misplaced his tampon.
Just change one of your less important bills to the mailing address of a friend of yours who lives far enough away to get you out of the gym contract. Once you've quit the gym, change it back.
OR... most gyms will allow you to "freeze" your membership if you cite financial issues. You keep your membership, but they don't charge you for it for a couple of months. It could give you time to get your shit together.
- M
[INSERT WITTY RETORT HERE]
Ha, take that ya scrag.
Nails, thanks, I am highly receptive to bitch vibes right now and will take as many as I can. Stupid bastardly gym bastards.
Jen, I am actually planning a visit to the doctor in a couple of weeks, so I could ask very nicely if he could declare me physically incapacitated in one way or another. Pretty please with sugar on top. And as far as the credit card goes, the only thing stopping me there is knowing I'd have to change my phone number to stop them calling me, and I just couldn't be arsed.
Mr. Guinness, that's not a bad idea at all. I'm also considering standing outside with a large sign saying 'Fitness First is really very crap' or something equally clever and they might cancel the membership to get rid of me.
You go, Audrey. You're a top bird. If only I was as tough as you. I'm not sure if I'm capable of yelling. I wish I wasn't such a sissy.
Oh MHE, you crazy, crazy guy. I think that plan might be nutty enough to work. They will think I'm a loon and want to get rid of me, pronto. MHE saves the day!
Marcheline! It's a matter of principle! Plus, I hate all of the staff members very much and want them all to die horrible deaths.
Mark, the Peru option is the one I am currently planning on legitimately pursuing. That is, telling I'm moving there - not actually moving there. Not that I'd be against moving there. What with my dead-end job driving me up the wall. I'd take llamas over insurance, any day.
Marcheline, that is a very clever idea indeed and an option I may consider after my freezing bit is over (I've just put it on hold for the next two months).
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