The past two weeks:
- I didn't work much. I took two days of leave, and had one day of alcohol poisoning.
- The alcohol poisoning occurred after an evening of fun at the Belgian Beer Cafe.
- The Belgian Beer Cafe serves foreign, VERY STRONG beer.
- When I felt like I could handle one more beer, my body expected normal beer, not 12-fricking-percent crazy drunk beer.
- I threw up much.
- I visited a Japanese restaurant and embarrassed myself by asking loudly for a spoon for my miso soup. "Aren't we supposed to drink it?" asked John, quietly, and I said, "Oh." Then I picked up my soup and said CHEERS! and a man looked at me disapprovingly and tutted.
- We visited the beach, and then went to a pub, and after I'd had lunch and a couple of drinks I visited the toilet, undid my miniature board short things and heard a loud SPSHHHH noise, then looked down and discovered I had covered the floor with sand.
- I completely forgot about the way sand collects inside a bikini.
- I hadn't been to the beach in a long time.
- A lot of sand managed to fall into the toilet, too. And sand doesn't flush.
- I bought a jumper. And since it's only a MILLION DEGREES outside, I should be able to wear it in, oh, four fricking months or so. I am such a knobhead.
- In June, if you see a girl looking like a grey-and-black bee, wave and say hi.
- Reg can wolf-whistle and imitate rainbow lorikeets freakishly well. I keep saying 'hello', 'bitch' and belching loudly, but he refuses to learn from me. He just bites me and breaks my jewellery. It's a very abusive relationship.
- Did that Red Rooster ad just start with, 'They stuff this big, warm 9-inch roll...' and if so, does it seem inappropriate, or do I have a dirty mind?
- Does anyone care about superannuation? STOP SENDING ME MAIL. I am 22 and very un-retired.
- I spent a lot of money. On taxis, and dinners, and South America.
- Hey, Harrison Ford, what's with the identical, shitty movies?
posted by GBE at 10:42 pm
7 Comments:
"Did that Red Rooster ad just start with, 'They stuff this big, warm 9-inch roll...' and if so, does it seem inappropriate, or do I have a dirty mind?"
I live on a planet far, far, away....
"Red Rooster"; what was it he is/they are actually stuffing? Is there an advert online I could say "oooer! Missus! Titter ye not!" to, as well?
I think I saw that. Or was it a supermarket advertising twelve inches of Polish sausage for $4.99? Gross anyhow.
I almost bought a shirt with that pattern on it the other week.
You have a Belgian beer cafe up there? We have one down here as well. Those Belgians are damn promiscuous.
Brett, they're stuffing a roll. With, you know, chicken. I think. I lost my concentration. I can't find anything online - the redrooster.com.au site doesn't have any perverse ads on it.
Mark, we could have been twinsies.
Don, the one up here is very posh and trendy and I was almost fitting in until I started falling over things and making a tit of myself.
I must confess that I not only bought that grey striped jumper but two other knitty type jumpers for work because, well, it's supposed to be bloody colder than this.
So I wear them out of sheer stubbornness.
I get very hot at work but I totally win. Something.
Lucy, my thing is to hold off wearing them until it seems definitely cold enough, only to put them on, go into the city and be hit by an unseasonal heatwave. Same goes for putting on a skirt only to suddenly encounter the windiest day of the year, and having everyone see my underpants.
Oh god, please don't talk about wearing skirts to work.
Every time (and I mean literally every time) I've worn a skirt to work the wind has come up and I've done a seven year itch impersonation.
The last time was while waiting on the train platform at peak hour.
Never ever again.
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