I don't know if this is a worldwide thing, but here in good ol' Brisbane the local bookshops do this thing where the staff put helpful little reviews on cards under the books they have on display. As an example, under Atlas Shrugged there might be a card saying:
"Holy shit, this book is really long. Reviewed by Cindy."
Except they're never quite as good as that. In fact, they're bloody annoying. Nine times out of ten, the helpful staff member has copied the blurb directly off the back of the book onto the little review card, and I don't know if you ever did book reviews in school, but that is NOT ALLOWED.
And the other ten percent of the time, this is what you get. Now this is an actual card at Dymocks on Queen Street:
"For lovers of fantasy, try this book by Katherine Kerr."
Well NO SHIT, 16-year old zitty book shop employee. I bet that one took a stretch. You have really earnt your $9.50 an hour.
Enough ranting. I have a fabulous plan, you see. I was sitting in the car today and made a comment about a book I'm reading. Ben Elton's The First Casualty.
"So far, it seems to be about the stupidity of war and masses of buggery in the army. Imagine THAT on a Dymocks review card."
I'm going to get some of these blank cards, or bloody pieces of paper if I have to, and write some 'helpful' reviews. Which will shit all over the legit reviews. Then I will subtly slip them underneath books on display, which they will never notice because I'm in there every day anyway. Is this a marvellous plan, or what? I feel so Fight Club right now. Excuse me while I go punch some people for fun.
All review suggestions appreciated.
"Holy shit, this book is really long. Reviewed by Cindy."
Except they're never quite as good as that. In fact, they're bloody annoying. Nine times out of ten, the helpful staff member has copied the blurb directly off the back of the book onto the little review card, and I don't know if you ever did book reviews in school, but that is NOT ALLOWED.
And the other ten percent of the time, this is what you get. Now this is an actual card at Dymocks on Queen Street:
"For lovers of fantasy, try this book by Katherine Kerr."
Well NO SHIT, 16-year old zitty book shop employee. I bet that one took a stretch. You have really earnt your $9.50 an hour.
Enough ranting. I have a fabulous plan, you see. I was sitting in the car today and made a comment about a book I'm reading. Ben Elton's The First Casualty.
"So far, it seems to be about the stupidity of war and masses of buggery in the army. Imagine THAT on a Dymocks review card."
I'm going to get some of these blank cards, or bloody pieces of paper if I have to, and write some 'helpful' reviews. Which will shit all over the legit reviews. Then I will subtly slip them underneath books on display, which they will never notice because I'm in there every day anyway. Is this a marvellous plan, or what? I feel so Fight Club right now. Excuse me while I go punch some people for fun.
All review suggestions appreciated.
posted by GBE at 9:17 pm
6 Comments:
A better idea I can not think of. I have one for you for Chuck Palahniuks book "Choke":
"For lovers of intestinal explosions MHE
9.50 an hour? Holy Shit....I remember making 2.10 an hour when I was 16!
These young whippersnappers today have it much easier... :)
How rebellious. I like the one for Choke, it's so true. I would also suggest:
Memoirs of a Geisha - This book will steal precious hours of your life.
Tim Winton's 'Dirt Music' - Indisputable evidence that Australia HAS NO CULTURE.
MHE & Mark, ta, I'll let you know how I go. First step is getting/making some of those blank card things. Ooh, I love projects.
MJ, I'm not sure how much they do actually make. I stayed a student bum until 19, and my first job gave me about $12 an hour, I think. I managed to pay my bills and buy one Christmas present per person.
That is a great idea. Sorry, but I'm going to steal it and start doing it in Adelaide. Those Dymocks cards piss me off for two reasons.
1) Did you even read the book, you Bryce Courtenay loving philistine?
2) Why do the Byce Courtenay loving philistines get the coveted bookstore jobs?
I've just read through all your archives. You are high-larious. I highly recommend the book 'A Complicated Kindness' by Miriam Teows to you. It writes like you, but not funny. If I had to put a card in Dymocks, I would say:
Holy shit, the Ahmish aren't the only secular religious communities after all.
I am officially blog listing you. Look forward to five new readers!
Audrey, we're pretty lucky if the book store employees know who Bryce Courtenay is round these parts. I used to dream about having one of those jobs, and then I realised I'd have to work with twats.
Thank you for the link! Five new readers! My stats have doubled!
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