Well arsing arsity arse.
Allow me to mount my exceedingly high horse.
Fitness First. Or, as I have taken to calling it, Shitness First. Shitness First and Foremost. Fitness later.
The sons of bitches are charging $36.95 to my credit card every fortnight, and do you think I get anything for it? No. Diddly squat. The reasons for this are as follows:
1. My hours are all over the place, and I have entire weeks where I am unable to go due to late finishes. And I personally am not a fan of the 'allow me to take all of my gym gear to work, plus my work clothes, plus everything I need to get ready for work including everything necessary for a shower, and allow me take three million bags to carry it in and smack them into people on the bus, or almost die from walking to work whilst carrying them, negating the need for the gym visit' method of visiting the gym in the early morning.
I warned you how high this horse is.
2. An extraordinary number of my co-workers visit. Yes, this seems silly, but seeing them all day and THEN having to see them while I'm stomping on a treadmill, dripping with sweat with a face the colour of an extra-red beetroot, after work is gone and done with is just not my cup of tea. Yeah. I'm petty.
3. I am now walking to and from work Every Single Day, which is giving me shitloads more exercise than I would get from my pithy occasional gym visits, making the membership completely unnecessary and a waste of my hard-earned beer money.
4. I DON'T WANT TO GO.
So, seeing as I am trying to save for that whole Different Continent thing happening in seven months or so, I figured I'd cancel the membership. I made an enquiry or two and was told that there's a bit of paperwork to get through, and a $150 fee, but I can drop in and do it anytime. A $150 fee is nothing compared to another nine months of paying for that bastard fortnightly, so I was all 'sign me up, hippie' and dropped in as soon as I could.
They told me I had to make an appointment.
Oh. Ok. I made one.
I met Jasmine, who is a pretty girl who slowly revealed that she is actually the fruit of Satan's loins.
Jasmine: Ok, so work is causing a bit of trouble lately?
Me: Well, my hours have changed, so I can't make it anymore.
Jasmine: Oh, ok. Well, you have two options. You can transfer your membership to somebody else if you like, or you can put your membership on hold for up to four months.
Me: Um. Well I called and they said I could cancel it and just pay a fee.
Jasmine: Oh! Ok.
Jasmine slowly ponders this and her master, The Dark Lord, gives her instructions on what to say next.
Jasmine: I'm sorry. I don't know who you spoke to, but you need a medical certificate for that. Or proof that you've moved at least thirty kilometres away from a Shitness First.
Me: I'm sorry? I was told different by two separate employees of your company.
Jasmine: Oh. It's incorrect.
She refuses to make eye contact with me. Little smarmy bitch. I notice that she's carefully picked a seating area surrounded by other Official Gym People so that I'm less likely to grab her pretty ponytail and slam her head into the table.
Jasmine: Otherwise you can pay out the rest of the membership. It comes to... [pushes buttons on a calculator] $665.10.
She smiles. I make a hmm noise and pick up a pen on the table, twirl it between my fingers and ponder the feasibility of stabbing it into her eye. She waits.
Me: Look. Jasmine, is it? Ok. I WILL NOT be using this membership. I will be paying money for absolutely nothing if you do not cancel it, which is something I don't appreciate very much. I want to cancel it.
Which would have been loads more impressive if I had said it all stern and grown-uppish, but having the voice of a 14-year old and a hair-twirling habit probably detracted from my toughness a bit.
She says nothing in response. Just sort of shrugs and looks away. Are you telling me that I CANNOT leave, you pack of arses? HOW ABOUT I CANCEL MY CREDIT CARD, YOU HO. Yeah, now I'm getting gangsta. I say all of this in my head, while I twirl my hair and giggle.
Me: Ok. Well I'll put it on hold for a month while I see what I can do. If that's ok?
IF THAT'S OK?! Somebody punch me.
Jasmine: Oh, sure. Let's go up to the front desk and arrange this. So, have you got anything planned for the weekend?
Me: NO.
I don't do small talk. Not even at the best of times, and certainly not when I'm seething with fury at a company who made me wait in the city for two hours after my shift finished to tell me something they could've said over the phone, gave me contradictory information, and don't list their terms and conditions online so I can't go through them with a fine-tooth comb and get all legal on their arses.
All the way home, I muttered, "I'll get them. Yeah, I'll get them. I'LL GET THEM."
Ever been in this situation before?
Yeah. Google knows what I'm on about.
Allow me to mount my exceedingly high horse.
Fitness First. Or, as I have taken to calling it, Shitness First. Shitness First and Foremost. Fitness later.
The sons of bitches are charging $36.95 to my credit card every fortnight, and do you think I get anything for it? No. Diddly squat. The reasons for this are as follows:
1. My hours are all over the place, and I have entire weeks where I am unable to go due to late finishes. And I personally am not a fan of the 'allow me to take all of my gym gear to work, plus my work clothes, plus everything I need to get ready for work including everything necessary for a shower, and allow me take three million bags to carry it in and smack them into people on the bus, or almost die from walking to work whilst carrying them, negating the need for the gym visit' method of visiting the gym in the early morning.
I warned you how high this horse is.
2. An extraordinary number of my co-workers visit. Yes, this seems silly, but seeing them all day and THEN having to see them while I'm stomping on a treadmill, dripping with sweat with a face the colour of an extra-red beetroot, after work is gone and done with is just not my cup of tea. Yeah. I'm petty.
3. I am now walking to and from work Every Single Day, which is giving me shitloads more exercise than I would get from my pithy occasional gym visits, making the membership completely unnecessary and a waste of my hard-earned beer money.
4. I DON'T WANT TO GO.
So, seeing as I am trying to save for that whole Different Continent thing happening in seven months or so, I figured I'd cancel the membership. I made an enquiry or two and was told that there's a bit of paperwork to get through, and a $150 fee, but I can drop in and do it anytime. A $150 fee is nothing compared to another nine months of paying for that bastard fortnightly, so I was all 'sign me up, hippie' and dropped in as soon as I could.
They told me I had to make an appointment.
Oh. Ok. I made one.
I met Jasmine, who is a pretty girl who slowly revealed that she is actually the fruit of Satan's loins.
Jasmine: Ok, so work is causing a bit of trouble lately?
Me: Well, my hours have changed, so I can't make it anymore.
Jasmine: Oh, ok. Well, you have two options. You can transfer your membership to somebody else if you like, or you can put your membership on hold for up to four months.
Me: Um. Well I called and they said I could cancel it and just pay a fee.
Jasmine: Oh! Ok.
Jasmine slowly ponders this and her master, The Dark Lord, gives her instructions on what to say next.
Jasmine: I'm sorry. I don't know who you spoke to, but you need a medical certificate for that. Or proof that you've moved at least thirty kilometres away from a Shitness First.
Me: I'm sorry? I was told different by two separate employees of your company.
Jasmine: Oh. It's incorrect.
She refuses to make eye contact with me. Little smarmy bitch. I notice that she's carefully picked a seating area surrounded by other Official Gym People so that I'm less likely to grab her pretty ponytail and slam her head into the table.
Jasmine: Otherwise you can pay out the rest of the membership. It comes to... [pushes buttons on a calculator] $665.10.
She smiles. I make a hmm noise and pick up a pen on the table, twirl it between my fingers and ponder the feasibility of stabbing it into her eye. She waits.
Me: Look. Jasmine, is it? Ok. I WILL NOT be using this membership. I will be paying money for absolutely nothing if you do not cancel it, which is something I don't appreciate very much. I want to cancel it.
Which would have been loads more impressive if I had said it all stern and grown-uppish, but having the voice of a 14-year old and a hair-twirling habit probably detracted from my toughness a bit.
She says nothing in response. Just sort of shrugs and looks away. Are you telling me that I CANNOT leave, you pack of arses? HOW ABOUT I CANCEL MY CREDIT CARD, YOU HO. Yeah, now I'm getting gangsta. I say all of this in my head, while I twirl my hair and giggle.
Me: Ok. Well I'll put it on hold for a month while I see what I can do. If that's ok?
IF THAT'S OK?! Somebody punch me.
Jasmine: Oh, sure. Let's go up to the front desk and arrange this. So, have you got anything planned for the weekend?
Me: NO.
I don't do small talk. Not even at the best of times, and certainly not when I'm seething with fury at a company who made me wait in the city for two hours after my shift finished to tell me something they could've said over the phone, gave me contradictory information, and don't list their terms and conditions online so I can't go through them with a fine-tooth comb and get all legal on their arses.
All the way home, I muttered, "I'll get them. Yeah, I'll get them. I'LL GET THEM."
Ever been in this situation before?
Yeah. Google knows what I'm on about.
posted by GBE at 7:48 pm
18 Comments:
Don't you have a fair trade association or consumer association?
It can hardly be right that you are to pay for services you can't use.
Tough luck in the World Cup, I've been glued to it and running an internet pool-thingie like you are doing great/poorly in
Ahh they piss me off. I cancelled mine not long ago. The rep that sees you for your exit interview gets a commission for everyone they get to stay. Remember that and stand your ground. They are a bunch of bastards. Pure and simple.
What the first guy said. Don't let this shiester fucktards get away with it.
Scream long and loud and chances are they'll let you off the hook.
Tis worth a try anyway.
I have heard from almost everyone who had had dealings with them, that Fitness First is actually an agent of Satan, staffed only by minions of the Dark Lord
If possible, dig up your original contract and look for the fine print, I am almost certain that they can't just make you just pay out your contract, just a fee to cancel.
If all else fails, make a trip to your local doctor and cry about how much stress they are causing you, and that if they keep bothering you, you just don't know what you'll do. He shouldn't have too much trouble writing a medical certificate for you.
If all else fails, my best friend is a contract lawyer, and she could find a way out for you. Let me know if you need help. Dealing with Fitness first is not a fight you should have to go alone.
Steph's right... make a whole lot of noise, and you'll end up getting your way sooner or later. The more i hear about this 'exercise' thing the less i like the sound of it. Good luck getting your money back... i don't see why you can't just cancel your credit card though. They'll probably sent your a shit-load of stuff in the mail telling you that you owe them money, but they'll give up after a while i'd say...
I have one link... http://www.fairtrading.qld.gov.au/oft/oftweb.nsf
Enjoy!
Christ. You may as well have joined a cult. That's really shitty manipulative behaviour and if you can be arsed doing anything about it (eg. heaving a brick through their window) then good on you.
Thats how you loose the calories, turning psycho on them and evicerating all the staff with a pitch fork!
/take deep breaths
Let me know how it works out. I'm about to beg my way out of my obscenely expensive gym because I was too fecking lazy to cancel it at the acceptable time.
Argh Fitness First!!! I was roped into joining this gym by one of the consultants despite being an unemployed student at the time, and when I stated that I would do it while I could afford it, I was not told that I couldn't actually get out of my contract until after 12 months without paying them a shitload of money.
I joined because they had a yoga class, which they promptly removed from the Epping gym after about a month of me going because of "poor numbers".
In my exit interview the lady suggested I should try the Richmond gym because they have a yoga class despite the fact it's a good 45 minute drive from my place! As if. She then preached to me the evils of giving up regular exercise so abruptly to which I replied I would continue my exercise without having to fork out truckloads of money every month for the privelige. She persisted but failed.
Lesson learned: Read contract terms and conditions more thoroughly and tell corporate gym types to cram it.
Okay -
First of all, you are not alone. Almost every major chain gym (Gold's, Bally's, and Ultimate) I've been signed up for has the same clauses written (in teeny tiny print) on their contract.
They know ahead of time that most people only sign up for gym memberships while under the influence of new love, or having just watched "Tomb Raider".
They know, also, that these feelings often wane within a month after joining the gym.
I was lucky enough to actually be moving more than 135 miles away from Bally's when I quit their contract - or I would still be paying them, too.
You're learning a lesson that all of us eventually come up on... the Dark Lord wears legalese.
Unfortunately, these companies have paid lawyers to draw up these contracts so that they are, in fact, legally binding. Which is why it's a contract, instead of a monthly membership fee that they mail you a bill for.
This is why gyms that have only six people working out in them can afford to buy seventeen hundred thousand dollars' worth of shiny equipment.
If the gyms tried to operate solely on money paid by people who actually GO to the gym, they'd have one small jogging trampoline and a jumprope in a 5'X5' room.
It sucks, but there it is. A better choice for you might be to try and suck it up and go to the gym. You'll be getting your money's worth, and getting in good shape at the same time.
- M
2 options
1) if lots at yyour work use - then maybe someone there would be willing to take it off your hands
2)keep screaming - they're trying to wear you down. Call every day - if you're taking up time that they could be using to shiester others thhey'll see teh value. Also mention that you've passed the contract onto your solicitor to review and that they're interested in persuing the case - and that you've had dicussions with (insert random tabloid tv show/rag) and they'd alo be interested in persuing the story
enjoy
I'm sorry, but you opted for this when you starting doing the devils work, working out. Any jovial fat person (ie me) knows that Satan runs every gym in the known universe. It's a pyramid scam for his worshipful audience to clone Jesus babies from DNA fragments on the Spear of Destiny, so they can offer up the little tube-saviors to the Lord on the Flies.
Doy.
Joi, I'm pretty sure we do have some sort of organisation. And yes, I think everyone is convinced that Australia was robbed by those Italian swines. I'm coming third in the tipping competition at work. If Portugal win over the Frenchies, I might step up to second.
Guy, now that is something I was not aware of. That makes that cow all the more sneaky. Ooh, I hate her.
Steph, I think you're right. I'm terrible at whining, though. I'm the one who always sits quietly and chews her hair. I need to be STRONG, and POWERFUL, and YELL MORE.
Ah, Jen, you are full of fabulous ideas. My doctor is actually very good and forthcoming with medical certificates, but he's a bit far away and I have no transport. But it's definitely something for me to consider, if worse comes to worst. I'm going to spend my weekend going over that contract. I'll get them. Oh, I'll get them.
Mars, I'm thinking about going down the credit card route. I mean, what can they do? "Hey Fitness First, this is me DENYING you authorisation to take funds from my card. HAHAHA." I don't mind being blacklisted by them either, because they truly are the shittiest, most conniving company in all the land.
Phishez, thank you muchly. I shall note down key phrases and fancy-sounding words and throw them in their faces. THROW THEM.
Mark, the brick-throwing idea sounds like it would be immensely gratifying. I could also tamper with their exercise equipment, causing patrons to seriously injure themselves and slandering their reputation. Not to mention the lawsuits.
KH, I think that going a few rounds with Jasmine would definitely give me a workout. Nasty piece of work is all lithe and toned, too. Bitch. I could take her on.
Audrey, you'll have to let me know if begging works for you. The staff at this one are all stony-eyed and void of emotion, so I'm pretty sure I wouldn't stand a chance if I chose that route. Unless you've got any tips you can give me.
Chikabub, so they let you out of it? Ah, success stories give me hope. We should form an anti-Fitness First club and wave banners and burn things.
Marcheline, yes, that is also something I've been considering. Just going back there. I would need to hide my face and never make eye contact with the staff, for fear of getting all angry and lashing out with punches. But I did join it for a reason, after all. This does seem to be the general concensus amongst all of my co-workers, too (who are very unhelpful and refuse to take my membership from me).
Anonymous, re. point one, see above. But on point two I think you are definitely onto something. I know that the difficult customers in my line of work are given pretty much whatever they want, all because they make a bit of a fuss. Worth a shot.
MHE, woah. Those bastards are cloning me, and sending my clones to the Lord of the Flies? I am most definitely avoiding the Spear of Destiny from now on. The Lord of the Flies is probably putting them on an island and making them form clans and kill eachother, sort of like Battle Royale. I never knew that gyms were this bad.
Ohh you have so made my afternoon.
I just tried to use a 2-week free trial card at a Shitness First in Melbourne, and the chick just would.not.take.nothanks.forananswer when she was trying to 'upsell' me on a 1-year $740 membership instead of a 2-week $0 free trial. I say 'upsell' because 'sell' implies a process of persuasion where the prospective customer actually has some choice in the matter - which is NOT how she approached the transaction. In the end I stormed out in high dudgeon, came home, searched "Shitness First" and found this entry. Thank you, random stranger, for making me feel better.
Nice Blog, i like it, I am a Gym Trainer. To know more about Gym please visit website.
Nice Blog, i like it, I am Michael as a Personal Trainer. To know more about Personal Trainers please visit website.
Hi, i am Koushik. I like You Blog, It is very Nice Topic,,, Thanks For Sharing. To know more about please visit website. Is are renowned Fitness Training who has return many popular articles and journal on general fitness and socially Corporate Fitness. He currently lips Canberra, Australia and runs bootcamp Facility.
Post a Comment
<< Home