The Good
* Today, because it is another Bludgy Day Off, I have had a lamington for breakfast. And pot noodles for lunch. I am sincerely in love with pot noodles. Somehow, I think my bodier is happier with me when I am on my normal working person diet.
* I have not mentioned the Fitness Farce bollocks for quite a while, because they had my membership on hold and they weren't taking any money off me and everything was hunky-dory but then! Then, they decided to take it off hold and start sucking at my money again, and I came up with a plan so cunning you could brush your teeth with it. All will be revealed in due course, and I cannot say too much because there have been a few suspicious google searches that make me think that they are WATCHING ME. Suffice it to say, those suckers are going DOWN. Muahahaaaaaa!
The Bad
* I cannot read books and then watch the movies based on them. I do not know why I repeatedly subject myself to such torture. The movie, Bram Stoker's Dracula, is WRONG. I would like to sit back and calmly watch the movie, but NO, that DIDN'T HAPPEN, you're MAKING IT UP. I could bear Keanu's attempt at a British accent if the movie followed the book, but no, UNBEARABLE. (Though Mr. Hopkins makes an excellent nutty Van Helsing.)
* My extremely successful shopping day was worsened somewhat when I arrived home to discover that I was missing one of my bags of shopping. Fortunately, it only contained one top, but unfortunately, it was the Best Top Ever. It was sort of teal-coloured and when I put it on, it practically screamed "Look at how competent and clever I am! Yes, I can use all sorts of big words and complete difficult tasks!" All is not lost, however, as there is a very slight chance that I left it on the bus, and that it might have been handed in. Yes, I know, FAT CHANCE and all that, but it's worth a shot.
The Distinctly Unattractive
* Last night, at my last dance class of the year, I forgot to put on proper grown-up shoes and accidentally turned up in my PLUGGERS. As if this wasn't bad enough, the instructor decided to introduce a very spinnyturny move. Aside from constantly near-stacking it, I very nearly took out three blokes with my projectile shoes, as they flew off my feet, left, right, and centre. Oh yes, ALL the boys want to dance with me. If I'm not repulsing them with my delightful garlic fragrance, I'm issuing concussions to anyone who looks at me squint, with some bonus foot odour for added pleasure.
* I have been in a cleaning frenzy today, and when it came to the bathroom I decided to brave the bog of eternal stench and scrub the toilet. Which was going along swimmingly until my vigorous scrubbing led to the toilet brush SPLASHING PONGING TOILET WATER INTO MY FACE.
Words. Cannot. Describe.
* Today, because it is another Bludgy Day Off, I have had a lamington for breakfast. And pot noodles for lunch. I am sincerely in love with pot noodles. Somehow, I think my bodier is happier with me when I am on my normal working person diet.
* I have not mentioned the Fitness Farce bollocks for quite a while, because they had my membership on hold and they weren't taking any money off me and everything was hunky-dory but then! Then, they decided to take it off hold and start sucking at my money again, and I came up with a plan so cunning you could brush your teeth with it. All will be revealed in due course, and I cannot say too much because there have been a few suspicious google searches that make me think that they are WATCHING ME. Suffice it to say, those suckers are going DOWN. Muahahaaaaaa!
The Bad
* I cannot read books and then watch the movies based on them. I do not know why I repeatedly subject myself to such torture. The movie, Bram Stoker's Dracula, is WRONG. I would like to sit back and calmly watch the movie, but NO, that DIDN'T HAPPEN, you're MAKING IT UP. I could bear Keanu's attempt at a British accent if the movie followed the book, but no, UNBEARABLE. (Though Mr. Hopkins makes an excellent nutty Van Helsing.)
* My extremely successful shopping day was worsened somewhat when I arrived home to discover that I was missing one of my bags of shopping. Fortunately, it only contained one top, but unfortunately, it was the Best Top Ever. It was sort of teal-coloured and when I put it on, it practically screamed "Look at how competent and clever I am! Yes, I can use all sorts of big words and complete difficult tasks!" All is not lost, however, as there is a very slight chance that I left it on the bus, and that it might have been handed in. Yes, I know, FAT CHANCE and all that, but it's worth a shot.
The Distinctly Unattractive
* Last night, at my last dance class of the year, I forgot to put on proper grown-up shoes and accidentally turned up in my PLUGGERS. As if this wasn't bad enough, the instructor decided to introduce a very spinnyturny move. Aside from constantly near-stacking it, I very nearly took out three blokes with my projectile shoes, as they flew off my feet, left, right, and centre. Oh yes, ALL the boys want to dance with me. If I'm not repulsing them with my delightful garlic fragrance, I'm issuing concussions to anyone who looks at me squint, with some bonus foot odour for added pleasure.
* I have been in a cleaning frenzy today, and when it came to the bathroom I decided to brave the bog of eternal stench and scrub the toilet. Which was going along swimmingly until my vigorous scrubbing led to the toilet brush SPLASHING PONGING TOILET WATER INTO MY FACE.
Words. Cannot. Describe.
posted by GBE at 3:02 pm
12 Comments:
I have SO done the splashing pongy toilet water on myself, so I can relate. Makes your skin crawl!
I hate watching movies to book I've read. Drives me insane. For that exact reason. I think anyone who reads feels the same.
The top is gone. Suck it up and go buy it again. If it does show up, then huzzah! Your favourite top TWO TIMES OVER!!!
um. Eww.
I didn't really like that Dracula book - I also reada more recent one (that I can't remember what it's called) that ALSO bored me... Give me Anne Rice any old day!
Tho I can't say I've actually read that many books that are movies with the exception of proddly the Da Vinci Code, but I read that three times BEFORE the movie (and twice it was the illustrated edition anyway).
Could it be that some of those "few suspicious google searches" are fellow Shitness First scam victims looking for help?
Post harder and they will find you. The blogosphere is a great tool for bringing together like minds. A sustained batch of complaints to your State's consumer affairs ombudsman might help close down this immoral business practice and leave more room for honest operators.
(And when are we going to do away with State governments, so that all Australians can complain to the one ombudsman? That's another topic...)
Haha, toilet water = gross. I have an extra problem when scrubbing the toilet- when concentrating my mouth kinda hangs open (!) and my tongue pokes out the side, so splashback from the loo is extra gross for me! I'm surprised I haven't died of something yet!
m
Sorry about the whole toilet thing. Been there, done that. Ig.
I happen to love the Dracula movie (Gary Oldman is HOT as Vlad). The trick is to pretend it's a different Dracula, not the same as the book - then you don't have "correction brain" ruining your enjoyment of the movie.
Funny about your dance class - I have been feeling distinctly wrong-footed myself, lately... thanks for sharing and letting me know I'm not the only one.
- M
Wanted to leave one more shout to see if my new profile pic comes out... heh.
Hi GBE
FF have been subject to complaints to Fair Trading in NSW and ACT - might be worth finding out what those departments can do to help (assuming you haven't taken that path already)
Marcheline - Ew, huge LIPS. It's like that dude in FLCL with the eyebrows that freak everyone out.
Anyhow, I have a sudden pot noodle craving. Mmmm. Hope John doesn't go all Seinfeld and refuse to kiss you now.
hmmm. . . the toilet water is distinctly unattractive, but, hey, at least it is clean now. Thats all that matters right? It brings about great feelings of pride to hear that you were willing to brave the stench and clean it though.
I bet you'll get your top back. People have got to be in well enough faith for that.
I'll be sitting next to the Wabash River sometime 6 months from now waiting for the phone, thanks!
Toilet brushes are designed to ensure pongy splashback. That's why it's Bloke's job to clean the toilets in our house. That, and the fact that he damages them the most.
Drewzel, I did honestly suspect I was going to throw up a bit. The only good thing about the incident is that the toilet was very close by in case I did in fact need to vomit.
Phishez, I think you are right. I called the lost property people and they have nothing on record. And it was the last one that the shop had, but I compensated by buying the same one in a different colour. It is very nearly as good.
Enny, I have been very slack and never read any Anne Rice. I should, so then I can watch Interview with the Vampire and yell at the screen about how incorrect it is. Actually, I don't need an excuse to yell at Tom Cruise. I might do that now.
MikeFitz, I do seem to get a few of the genuine google searches, too. But I have had a couple that have been local, with very specific wording. Weirds me out a bit. I am honestly just glad that I will no longer have anything to do with them - though it may take a little while to get rid of them completely.
MMQC, oh no! That is perhaps the most horrible thought EVER. Now I will have nightmares about getting bog water in my mouth. Bleurghhhh.
Marcheline, I think I will have to try your trick. It might allow me to enjoy movies again. I'm normally a big Keanu fan, but I found no appeal in his Jonathan Harker - if I was Winona, I would've been jumping all over Gary, too.
Aurelius, unfortunately, Fitness First, with their zillions of lawyers, have a pretty watertight agreement, which I very foolishly signed. They have received a number of complaints in Queensland, too, mainly about continuing to take money from people who have cancelled memberships. They are truly dodgy. I will rid myself of them now and preach the evils of Shitness First far and wide.
Mark, hey now, Angelina Jolie can't help it if her lips are naturally enormous. I think that my lips would need to be stund by at least twelve bees to match hers. My favourite pot noodle is the one with the shorter noodles, so you don't spend five minutes trying to wind them on your fork, only to end up with a mountain of noodles that's too big for your mouth. Shorter noodles = quicker for shovelling. Mmm.
Abe, the top situation isn't looking so great, though the lost property wench told me that she'd lost her wallet on a bus and it wasn't handed in for six weeks, so apparently I should call back regularly. God knows why they can't take my details and call me if something turns up. Bah!
Hawkeye23, our toilet behaves atrociously. It will be spotless one day, receive normal use, and then suddenly be hideous and gungy. If I am ever extremely rich, I will hire a cleaning lady named Maria who will mutter in Spanish and clean the toilet for me. Si! This is what happens in movies, yes?
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