Sniff.
You told me the government would be bludgy, and that I would get to have tea breaks ALL DAY. I'm pretty sure there were mentions of biscuits and cake and it's not like I can eat them while I'm doing this detox bollocks (somebody get this girl a PIE) but HEY.
When I started, I watched my co-workers having chat breaks galore, taking lunches, doing arts and crafts, etc., and I realised that these earlier claims were all true. And then I started to settle in a little more.
I sit down at my desk in the morning and glue my eyes to the screen, not taking them away until I quickly grab lunch, and then reattach them while I shovel said lunch into my mouth. Having done this for all of this week, I've found myself wondering what happened to that earlier, lazy-arsed working lifestyle?
And then I realised.
All of my co-workers are still living it.
I am a foolish girl! Stupid, I am! Somebody punch me!
So I thought about just sitting back and chilling while the e-mails rolled in, and I did it for all of twelve seconds before realising that I Just. Couldn't. Do it. Maybe it's come from my last workplace, or being a total teacher's pet in school, or some type of hereditary neurosis, but I can't chat, eat, and drink tea when there's Stuff To Do.
Names such as 'knob', 'stupid git' and 'unnecessarily diligent wench whose hair was quite excellent today' might spring to your mind at this point.
Proposed methods for fitting into the government mould:
You told me the government would be bludgy, and that I would get to have tea breaks ALL DAY. I'm pretty sure there were mentions of biscuits and cake and it's not like I can eat them while I'm doing this detox bollocks (somebody get this girl a PIE) but HEY.
When I started, I watched my co-workers having chat breaks galore, taking lunches, doing arts and crafts, etc., and I realised that these earlier claims were all true. And then I started to settle in a little more.
I sit down at my desk in the morning and glue my eyes to the screen, not taking them away until I quickly grab lunch, and then reattach them while I shovel said lunch into my mouth. Having done this for all of this week, I've found myself wondering what happened to that earlier, lazy-arsed working lifestyle?
And then I realised.
All of my co-workers are still living it.
I am a foolish girl! Stupid, I am! Somebody punch me!
So I thought about just sitting back and chilling while the e-mails rolled in, and I did it for all of twelve seconds before realising that I Just. Couldn't. Do it. Maybe it's come from my last workplace, or being a total teacher's pet in school, or some type of hereditary neurosis, but I can't chat, eat, and drink tea when there's Stuff To Do.
Names such as 'knob', 'stupid git' and 'unnecessarily diligent wench whose hair was quite excellent today' might spring to your mind at this point.
Proposed methods for fitting into the government mould:
- Hiring somebody to physically wheel my chair into the kitchen and place a cup of tea in my hand, every half an hour.
- Programming my computer to shut down every half hour for at least five minutes, so that there is no other alternative except chatting and drinking tea.
- Some sort of electrocution device, which zaps me every time I try and open another e-mail.
- Requesting that the most handsome, studly government worker could move their desk next to mine, so that rather than work, I stare at them all day and drool on my keyboard.
- Blog from work (hurrah!).
posted by GBE at 7:07 pm
20 Comments:
I'm with you. I found it hard to bludge at work if there is stuff to do. In fact, I confess to being one of those people that gives the tea-drinking chatters dirty looks.
I hate myself sometimes.
It's the people on non-stop personal calls that drive me nuts (especially as a large part of my job is phone work).
I was trying, today, to slack off and somehow ended up working harder than yesterday. I such at being a work slacker and yet am a huge slacker in the rest of my life.
sucK not sucH - all that work is making me Tired!
How dare that girl (who stole part of your blog) not allow me to leave comments because I am not a member of her blog. Outrageous behaviour! How did you find out? Happy New Year mrs. Hope you're not far away froma cup of tea.
Sorry just read more of your blog and have realised how you found out. Oh the cheek!
Once you've figured out the job you'll figure out ways to cut down on effort whilst getting the same amount of work done. Add in an office friendship with the resident stud and, happily, your desire to work will drop in relation to your desire for the stud. It's a tried and true formula: experience + stud = relaxed wench.
When working, I am of the mind to just keep working until what I need to do is done... then I realise I've forgotten lunch and its almost time to go home (um, when I didn't work at home of course). I think it's the teacher's pet syndrome :)
I like the idea of programming the computer to shut down... except when blogging or something entertaining... maybe it can be adjusted or something.
This detox business...it's no fun, is it? I am going back to being toxed.
You mean Former Workplace didn't crush any sort of diligence out of you?!
Clearly our floors were very different, I stopped working hard after my probation time came up, I used to sit and chat for almost my entire shift, and times we would physically wheel our chairs into a circle and sit and chat. Fun times!
Maybe you should have swapped floors instead of jobs :P I'm sure you will learn to relax a bit as your co-workers start to lead you astray, it's only normal to be really effiecient for the first short while.
Has anyone noticed that your Arch-Nemesis, blog copier has erased the ability to leave or read messages on her blog? Hiding the evidence, eh?
Continue on your Path Of Awesome worker wench!
Soon you will rise above all your public servant colleagues in knowledge, tenacity, skill levels, charisma, work ethic, experience and awesome hair. Resist the urge to chat endlessly, otherwise you will be trapped in the public service forever... but by keeping up the good work you'll fasttrack to be CEO of the whole darn government before the year ends.
I know of 2 other people like you here and 179,998 people like your colleagues. Go far you will.
Oh no. I too am in government and i have spent the last week doing precisely fuck all except reading blogs, writing emails and talking about food with the girl that sits next to me. Seriously, today I did about 30mins in total of actual work.
The worst thing is that they all think i'm brilliant.
The worstest thing is that i'm starting to feel entitled to my laziness, like i believe what I actually get paid for is to read blogs and write emails. It's terrible. Any little bit of work I do now seems utterly inconvenient.
Michellesarah - I LOVE your comment. That's sounds like the Govt Dept where I work exactly. Hilarious! Espesh "minimise the damage."
Tell me when you meet a studly Govt worker. I am yet to meet one! We get all horny when a hot bodied workman comes in, sort of like that Diet Coke ad a few years ago :)
LOVE ya blog. It's even better now I can relate to your public service stroies.
Beware the civiliusservantextis virus, it has no immediate obvious symptoms but over a period of time you eventually come in one morning and a little voice in the back of your head says, "you are one of us, you are one with the Borg, be part of us,...don't fight it." At that point it's too late, get your tea and watch a leaf grow on the potted plant in the lobby.
p.s. Tell me a bit about the book on your sidebar, it looks a little appealing.
The second to last sounds like a plan to me!! Hehe. :)
I like your plan to bludge. You should write a book for all of us that find it hard to do fuck all.
Chesty, I guess I can't really be angry at them - they really have got it made. They do so much less than I do, yet they get paid the same (and, in most cases, more) than I do. I cannot help but wonder whether I am just a big thicko.
Nails, I am the same. When my time is my own, I can't be arsed. Stupid brain. My last workplace was patrolled by nazi-types who chucked a tanty if you made, well, any personal calls really, so this whole concept is foreign to me.
The Craic Girl, she was very cheeky indeed! Never mind, all over now I hope. And now you mention it, I think it's just about time for a tea break.
Don, I think the stud path is definitely the most promising. The company occupies many floors and I will have to set about exploring them all in order to find he who is worthy of the Ultimate Stud title. Then, let the harassment commence!
Jedimerc, I quite often forget to eat. I will be sitting there thinking how absolutely crap I feel, and then realise that it's because I haven't eaten since my breakfast ten hours earlier. And by that time, I've lost my appetite anyway.
Dave, don't give up! If you give up and start talking about how delicious pies are, then I will be sorely tempted to eat a million pies, and it will be entirely your fault when I do.
Jen, imagine how super weird this whole workplace coincidence thing would've been if I had made the leap up to your floor. On our floor, the supervisors would watch how long you had been unavailable to take a call and if it was longer than five minutes, we would receive not-so-subtle hints. They were one step away from cracking whips.
wxguesser, yep, and it doesn't look like there's much we can do about it unfortunately. I would've thought she'd at least delete the blog, instead of leaving all of my posts up there. Sigh.
Adam/Yoda, your words of encouragement encourage me, good sir. I shall continue on my path of righteousness until I am Totally Righteous, and I look forward to being the CEO of the government, and expect that it will bring me many cups of tea, hurrah!
Audrey, but you see, my dear, you've cracked it. You've managed to find that niche where you can conveniently do whatever you like and be praised for it. I am still searching for the light. I am still feeling like a nitwit and trying desperately hard to do everything at once. I will most likely start to settle right before running overseas, and then I'll get back and have to start all over again.
Michelle, I do not doubt that your story is very true indeed, and I actually suspect that these crap people who are promoted are not just limited to government, but to every other place I have ever worked, because I have consistently held the view that my boss-at-the-time is rubbish at their job. You have unveiled a great truth and we must spread the word far and wide.
Rachel, thanks! There's actually a handful of good-looking chaps about the place, or maybe I'm just not fussy after my last place of work where the pickings were very slim indeed.
Mr. Guinness, I shall fight the virus you speak of to the very end! The book is the story of how Lonely Planet started and grew into the humungous travel empire that it is today. It's very good so far, and will most likely float your boat if you are keen on travel stories.
Princess, ah hah! I knew that option would be popular with the laydeez. Majority rules - I'm off to find the nearest government stud.
Steph, I should write that book, and then we could all read it while we're supposed to be working. Oh, the irony!
Darlin - don't you know that we all do the last one? Even us in the states.. so get used to that.. but it's more like a 2 hr lunch break - at the desk of course - so no one is the wiser. Apparently tho.. all your co-workers are very diligent at breaking.. If you can't do it every hour, at least train yourself to try every 2. That seems a healthy compromise. :)
Miss Devylish, I have been working on taking my lunch break, and then returning to my desk, but continuing to not work, all the while quite skilfully looking as though I am working. I will have this government life sorted in no time!
Post a Comment
<< Home