95% Thursday, 5% today, 100% bollocks.
- I have not been asked to "upgrade" to Beta Stupid-Label-Rubbish Blogger! Nobody gives a rat's, I am sure, but after I first read about Chesty's involuntary change, and then Adam's, I was awaiting the enforced Labelling with much trepidation. But it has not occurred! Ooh. Confused. I shall try my hardest to defy the Blogger Beta Bullshit. I shall!
- I am not sure if you are aware, but Reg the cockatiel cannot talk. He can mumble, like me after a big night On The Lash, but he cannot copy human speech at all. We threaten him quite often by telling him we are going to take him back to the pet shop and demand a refund because he is defective. But John and I were thinking about this, y'see, and wondered what he would say if he could. And we came up with this Very Disturbing List of phrases that are directed at Reg most often:
"Shut your millet hole, gitbird!"
"You are SUCH an A-hole."
"Stick that in your beak and smoke it."
"You agree with me, don't you Reg."
"Don't you dare shit on me!"
"Ew! He just shat on me."
And when he starts his Alarm Squawk in response to a crow:
"I am going to get a crow and put it IN YOUR CAGE."
"Protect your eggs!"
"Alarm, alarm! Polizei, polizei!"
But we love him really. - I made The Announcement. And I very nearly shat my pants. But given that I'd just told my work that in two weeks I would be departing the country and wouldn't be back for a month, they took it very well indeed. This is because I lied so abominably about my reason for going that I am 100% certain that I have just reserved myself a place in Hell, alongside Hitler and the man who invented underpants with a seam running up the middle.
- I have just had my first day back at work after a most excellent Long Weekend. It is my first time experiencing the joys of government flex-time. And I really bloody needed it, would you believe, after the RSI-inducing Hard Work I've been doing. No! I'm not even kidding!
- In a hurry one lunchtime, I rushed up to Coles to buy some shower gel, because the one I had previously bought turned out to be extremely strong-smelling, so I ponged of sweet artificial vanilla smell very muchly. In fact John, in a moment of immaturity rivalled only by my own, wrote this on the bottle to demonstrate:
So I went to Coles and picked up a different one, had a sniff, and all seemed ok. Brought it home, pulled it out of the bag and realised that instead of shower gel, I had purchased 375mL of Body Lotion. Body Lotion! I am not a Body Lotion Girl. I have never even used it before. It is a well-known fact that I am rubbish at being a girl. And after squirting this gooey crap on myself, I realised that Body Lotioning Up is a very time-consuming process.
When I get up in the morning, I have precisely one hour to get up, drag my sorry arse into the shower, wash, dry myself, get dressed, eat my breakfast, drink a glass of orange juice, feed Reg, listen to Reg squawk, hurl obscenities when the morning radio DJ's do yet another phone-in, tame my shitty hair, grab my lunch, lock up the house, and get the bus. That's right. No time for Body Lotion Action. Therefore, if you would like a free, hardly-used bottle of Body Lotion, which apparently smells like cucumbers and green tea, then it is all yours. $6.50 for me, free for you. VALUE!
posted by GBE at 7:07 pm
17 Comments:
Shower Care YOGHURT? Yoghurt?
Since when are we meant to use yoghurt in the shower?
I am sure that blogger will eventually get you too. It's not that bad. And I got to waste a good half-hour of my morning labelling.
Not that I enjoyed it or anything, of course. Labels being crappy and stupid and all ...
Why don't you just put it on at night?
In any case, I hardly think the shipping to Colorado, USA would be worth it so I'm going to have to pass... lol.
I just switched my journal from the new blogger to wordpress and am loving it there!! They've got some really great features :). But good luck with beta when they finally do make you switch *cue scary movie music*
Have a good one :).
I was so desperate to be 'in' I switched to beta early and managed to experience all the bugs.
We have a cockatoo that does nothing but SCREAM when my dad is in the kitchen - however I will know yell 'protect the eggs' at him each time he yells in an effort to confuse him.
AND the second stupidest inventor is the person who decided to put tags in the back of underpants so they spend all day tickling your butt, or you rip them out and have dozens of pairs with holes where the tags used to be.
That happened to me as well. Is it the Dove body lotion? It is very hard to get a nice soapy lather in the shower with moisturiser I find.
Now I have to go out and buy another body wash - and they are all pants and smell like potpourri crap.
I wasn't allowed to switch to beta and was feeling all sulky and left out; then suddenly I was allowed and made the switch last week. It's okay. I quite enjoy putting (amusing to me) labels on my posts.
Everytime I log onto Blogger now, I feel rejected and snubbed when I'm not forced onto Beta. I reckon they're doing all the good blogs first, and they'll get around to me later when they go to tidy up and realise I'm still sitting in the corner, waiting to be upgraded...
And ew, that sickly-sweet vanilla smell would follow you around all day. It'd be one of those smells where you'd catch and whiff and wonder where the HELL it was coming from...
I love body wash. Not all that keen on body lotion though as the fluffy, sweet smell might cause others to look my way, and where I work, that would not be all that good. But body wash with the little scrubby thing...Awesome!! Bath and Body works Mountain Spring smell, and I have the odor to me of a walk through the mountain Pines....
I haven't been forced to change to beta yet. I'm too lazy to do anything until they force me anyway.
I like the sound of Vanilla Honey shower creme. I for one love bath items that smell like food. Yum.
As for Blogger beta, it's all right once you get used to it. I wasn't forced, but I succumbed. It's easier to maintain a layout.
I wasn't able to log into my account, so I was forced to switch against my will. It isn't that bad. I'm with pomgirl, tags are amusing.
As a person that never remembers to put on body lotion, winter finds me scaly and dry. I recently bought some Olay creme ribbons bodywash with the lotion mixed in it already, and it's not too bad. Smells pretty good too.
Ooh I hate whomever invented tags in the undies!
I switched and it was pretty easy.. it saves your posts a whole lot faster.. but the template coding looked funny.. but I'm html stupid. So any changes to it and I didn't know what I was doing. They have an option to go back to the classic version so that's what I used. Didn't lose anything I don't think. Good luck!
Hmmm. I was pretty sure I left a message yesterday.
It basically said that body lotion is like being kissed from heaven when you live in the dry pit that is Adelaide.
GBE are you going to send me a blog post for the blog zine? Get on it woman!
Blogger forced me to switch yesterday. I felt a little sulk was necessary since I was holding out as long as possible, but it didn't add any tags to my post. hmm...
Now that I'm older I am realizing that I need lotion because I now have dry skin. The problem for me is that I have a pretty sensitive sense of smell, so most lotions are too smelly for me. I put them on and then I wander around going "What is that smell?" only to realize that it's me. Then I have go to wash it off thus negating any good it might have done me.
Oh, and we had a talking bird when I was a kid (a cockatiel or cockatoo or something) and all it would say was "Pretty Boy" which was it's name.
Miss LaRue, I was highly dismayed by the 'yoghurt' status, also. In honesty, I picked it because it was pretty much the only one that I have not tried in my neverending search for bathroom products that will not make me smell like crud. And Blogger just told me that the next time I log in, I will be forced to change. Curse them! I don't mind the labelling idea, I am just not sure whether I can be arsed. Me = lazy.
Amber, but I thought that you were supposed to put it on in the morning so you feel lovely? If you put it on at night, don't you just wash it off the next morning? I did warn you that I was crap at this girl stuff.
Enny, ooh, Reg is as quiet as a mouse compared to a cockatoo. I am not sure I could ever stand it, as lovely as birdies are. But I am glad you have picked up a new technique for the next time he is being a shit. I have just had a look in the Underpant Drawer, and every single one has a tag - would they not have learnt by now??
Killerrabbit, yep, it's the Dove one. It's actually alright, though it does make me smell a bit cucumbery. And I am quite happy that I noticed it was body lotion before I started squirting it on myself whilst showering. I would've been very confused. Most body washes are indeed pants, which is why I end up buying a different one every single time.
Pomgirl, are the labels compulsory? I am just worried that I will never get around to labelling and will therefore never actually post ever again. And if anyone says 'hooray' I will cry. Sniff.
Actonb, have they got to you yet? They threw a new login screen at me this morning but they let me skip it this time. Next time though, I get no choice. Nooo!
wxguesser, oh yes, body wash reigns supreme. I used normal soap when staying over somebody's house recently and my skin went all crappy and started yelling 'no! Not enough moisture!' And where can I get me some Mountain Spring smell? I can only find mingy flowery vanilla smells.
nails, damn straight. I mean, it can't be that great.
A girl, oh it sounded great in theory, but it was just a little too strong for my liking. It was all I could smell after using it and I prefer subtle, rather than ponging. But I do not want it, so if you do not mind the fact that it says 'Fart' on the bottle, you can have it. Free! Hooray!
Colonel eggroll, I am tempted to make every tag 'A big pile of shit' and then label every post with the same thing. Will that work?? Or have Blogger plotted against this sort of behaviour? I like the sound of creme ribbons - I want me some of those!
Miss Devylish, I think I will just save a copy of my template and then if it buggers me around, I will just copy and paste the old one. Will that work? Or is the new blogger sneaky? I am very wary of this new blogger. Hmm.
Audrey, I will keep my cucumbery body lotion for when I visit Adelaide, and I will Lotion Up big time thanks to your warning. And I will try, my dear, but I cannay promise with the craziness of flying away in a week. But yes, I shall most definitely try for you, lovely Audrey.
Winter, now that is the first positive thing I've heard - it didn't add any labels! Having to label all of my posts is my biggest fear because it will quite possibly take up an extra thirty seconds of my time. No, I say! And I think you will find that Pretty Boy had a huge and extensive vocabulary, but refused to say anything other than his name, because birds are, in fact, absolute shits. True.
Go to this website...if it doesn't work, choose "mens collection". Woodland is awfully nice.
http://www.bathandbodyworks.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=2445987&cp=2484525.2504528
Ooh, wxguesser, now I know where to go to smell foresty and mannish instead of vanillary and chemicalish. Hoorah!
I was forced to move to Beta the other day. Mine must be a shitty, forgotten about blog. I ignored them for a while, when they asked me if I wanted to switch, now they've just gone all communist and taken my blog away unless I do.
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