Valentine's Day. Everyone knows that V-Day was invented by A Wily Florist with a surplus of roses on a particularly cunning day, but I will take any excuse to go out to dinner and guzzle booze. John and I found ourselves on one of those dinner boats, and though my desire to see passengers lurch about and fall over on unsteady waters went unabated, we had a super lovely time.

The pros and cons of our boaty dinner:

Pros:

• The lovely and delightful boatiness of it all. Swab the decks, me hearties! Ahoy, mateys! Arrrr! Etc.
• The pretty view was scrolling past us constantly, so we didn't have time to get bored of it.
• The dinner was mucho excellent. Though everyone was looking at us like we were odd every time we swapped plates half-way through the meal, which we did with every course. But, come on. You don't get to choose your meal, one person has the beef and one has the salmon, of COURSE you're going to swap half-way. Right? RIGHT??
• The cocktails! They refused to make me a pina colada, even though they had all the ingredients (the FIENDS), but I happily gorged on other brightly-coloured liquid concoctions with ridiculous names until I was on the verge of exploding and decorating Boaty McBoat in rainbow colours.
  
• Not waking up hungover and/or tired this morning, despite the booze, the late night, and the shitty night's sleep. Hurrah!
• I MET CAPTAIN STUBING. Except he wasn't actually Captain Stubing. He was just wearing his clothes. He wasn't amused by my rendition of The Love Boat theme song.
  

Cons:

• It was Valentine's Day themed, and therefore everyone was Getting It On. It was practically like an orgy. And while an orgy on a boat would be a new and exciting experience, I do not particularly want to join in when several of the participants are verging on A HUNDRED YEARS OLD. Live and let live, and all that, and I am not averse to Looking The Other Way, but inadvertently seeing Oldies pretty much licking eachothers faces is VERY DISTURBING.
• The Corniest. Music. EVER. John Paul Young's 'Love is in the Air' was drifting past our ears as we boarded the vessel (ha!), and was soon followed by Backstreet Boys 'All I Have To Give' (don't be embarrassed because you know all the words. I know the fricking harmonies.), and 'Heaven' (thankfully the Bryan Adams version, rather than the DJ Bloody Sammy version).
• We were always constantly aware that we couldn't get off if we decided we hated it. We could jump overboard, but I wouldn't rate our chances of survival in the Brisbane Slurry River too highly. Fortunately, we did not hate it. Yay!
• Brisbane River is not long enough, so consequently we would go along for a while, then turn around and go back the other way, then turn around and go back the other way, then turn around... etc. Which was a little disorientating after the second cocktail.

Whether this is a pro or a con, I do not know, but one of the crew was a girl wearing a dress which featured her breasts so prominently, I swear she was 90% breast. All of the Very Devoted chaps were rendered incapable of paying any attention to their ladyfriends, due to the presence of The Almighty Breasts.



Oh, check my laptop drawing skillz!

Also, all of the girls received a rose, so the lesbian couples each had a rose, while the gay boy couples had NO roses. Is this unfair? You have a penis, and YOU have a penis, no rose for you! I do not know.