And now a post on everyone's favourite topic: boobs.
I have found myself subjected to a number of strange comments lately. In relation to my boobs. I would firstly like to make something clear, and if you are not at all interested in boobs, I suggest you stop reading: I have normal boobs. When I go to a bra sale, there's none left in my size, because my boobs are the most commonly sized boobs in all the land. Would you like me to say the word 'boobs' some more? Boobs.
So, right, we've established there's nothing special going on the chest region. Let us take Knobhead Number One, who I encountered on the streets of Brisbane one sunny day.
"Nice tits."
Oh, I see I distracted you from picking your scabs, hobo. Let me come live with you in your cardboard box.
Knobhead Number Two was on St. Patrick's Day and can be read about here. He was drunk and I was in a puddle of my friend's spew. I almost gave birth to 10000 of his children then and there.
And Knobhead Number Three, my friends, was this morning.
"Look at the tits on that."
'That' being me, of course. My close friends refer to me as 'that' in my spare time.
Gosh, doesn't everyone love the word 'tits'. I sure do. Why thank you, Degenerate Bread Deliverer. I would marry you immediately, but I fear I am not your sister and therefore do not qualify for the position.
I'm five minutes away from chucking a Boys Don't Cry. Somebody fill me in on the logic here. Unless you'd rather not discuss boobs. Which is ok. I'll just post about something else. Vaginas or periods or something.
I'll leave now. If you need me, I'll be off binding my torso.
I have found myself subjected to a number of strange comments lately. In relation to my boobs. I would firstly like to make something clear, and if you are not at all interested in boobs, I suggest you stop reading: I have normal boobs. When I go to a bra sale, there's none left in my size, because my boobs are the most commonly sized boobs in all the land. Would you like me to say the word 'boobs' some more? Boobs.
So, right, we've established there's nothing special going on the chest region. Let us take Knobhead Number One, who I encountered on the streets of Brisbane one sunny day.
"Nice tits."
Oh, I see I distracted you from picking your scabs, hobo. Let me come live with you in your cardboard box.
Knobhead Number Two was on St. Patrick's Day and can be read about here. He was drunk and I was in a puddle of my friend's spew. I almost gave birth to 10000 of his children then and there.
And Knobhead Number Three, my friends, was this morning.
"Look at the tits on that."
'That' being me, of course. My close friends refer to me as 'that' in my spare time.
Gosh, doesn't everyone love the word 'tits'. I sure do. Why thank you, Degenerate Bread Deliverer. I would marry you immediately, but I fear I am not your sister and therefore do not qualify for the position.
I'm five minutes away from chucking a Boys Don't Cry. Somebody fill me in on the logic here. Unless you'd rather not discuss boobs. Which is ok. I'll just post about something else. Vaginas or periods or something.
I'll leave now. If you need me, I'll be off binding my torso.
posted by GBE at 6:01 pm
7 Comments:
Well that's a lot better than that Skeletor shit.
Personally I think men do it because their mates are watching, or because they think it makes them super-confident studs. *Or* (the arts student in me says) as a way of reinforcing misogynist gender sterotypes that objectify women. I don't know what hobo would gain from the latter though.
And re: chest size - paintings aren't generally judged by how big the canvas is, right?
I'm totally with you on the absurdity of this GBE. Commenting on someone's boobs is so ridiculous. What would the world be like if women walked around saying 'nice knob' to all and sundry? Chaos.
I got a 'hey beautiful' yesterday after I'd finished work and was riding my bike home. In a helmet. Even supermodels don't look cute in helmets, therefore I can only assume the fellow in question was blind, drunk or blind drunk. Which might possibly be the case as he was leaving the pub.
Ok, so we know that boys can sometimes be knobs with the yelling and the "tits" thing.
But seriously boobs? Are awesome, loves them. Don't bind them.
Love your blog! Being a PC "politically correct" Yankee it is so refreshing to see some of our stupidity has not spread down under yet.
Keep up the battle, I have a hunch in the long run you will win!
Mr. Guinness
(Florida of the USA)
Right, I'm kicking 'Mr Guinness' in the cock for that 'down under' shit.
Mark[re: chest size - paintings aren't generally judged by how big the canvas is, right?], maybe you can tell why men do it with boobs then?
Mark, it's not my fault if you never watched He-Man. I think that 'doing it because their mates are watching' is the most likely cause. I suspect that guys say a lot of things around other guys that I really wouldn't want to hear.
Audrey, if we all walked around saying "nice knob" then men would think "woah, she totally wants me" and proposition us for sex. Or else they'd say "how can you see my knob through my pants? Is my fly undone?" and then they would be confused. "Hey beautiful" is a nicer comment than the ones I get. Maybe I radiate a hussy vibe.
Lucy, I like them too. Boobs are fab. But boys are crap.
Mr. Guinness, here I was thinking I was being very PC with my "quit staring at my rack" post. Incidentally, did you invent Guinness, and if so, can I have some for free please?
Nails, I figure it's all about the canvas size. There can be an ugly sonofabitch painting on it, but as long as the canvas is huuuuge, blokes don't seem to give a shit.
I think you must be the exception to the rule, Mark.
Maybe, but I think you should ask the kind of guys who keep their opinions to themselves instead of the blokes. The smaller boob definitely has a following.
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