I have been approved for my extremely trendy inner-city apartment, because the real estate could obviously see I had Trendy Bitch potential written all over my face. Or they didn't receive any better offers. Either way, I am moving on the Tuesday after Easter, and some changes are now in order. To fit in, I figure I will need to:
Reg has a cold (or a feather up his nose, or something) and keeps sneezing bird snot all over me.
- Buy some manolo blahniks. Are you impressed that I know how to spell that? That's because I am trendy, and also because I searched the internet. Yes. I hear they are some type of shoe.
- Buy lots of puffy skirts. Because puffy skirts are fashionable, I think. Cyndi Lauper wears puffy skirts, and she is very trendy. Am I out of touch?
- Drink champagne, and not pints of beer. Even though I much prefer pints of beer. Because it's not trendyinnercityish to drink pints. That'll be easy. No problem. Yep. Easy.
- Refer to my home only as an apartment, and never as a unit, and NEVERorI'llhavetoslitmywrists as a, COUGH, flat. Pfft, a flat. As if. Ahem.
- Buy a small dog. And put it in my handbag. And hope that it doesn't, you know, suffocate. And on that note, I should probably get a handbag. My hippie rainbow bag will NOT bode well with the metro's. Metroes? Oh, I must learn how to spell that if I want to be accepted.
- Only associate with men who wear pink shirts and, you know, lime-green pants, and have coiffeured hair, and, um, God, I don't know. This explains it:
(Just quietly, a few soccer balls to the face would fix that boy right up.) - Visit the hairdresser to fix my shite hair, and re-trendify it. And not pay any less than $220 for the privilege. Blonde highlights galore, even though my hair is so dark they will grow out in a day and I'll look skanky.
- Maybe I can still have a pint of beer occasionally. Just to, you know, remember what it was like. That would be ok, right?
- And I could sometimes dress like a bum. Within the confines of my own home. And when I'm visiting the shop on the corner. You know. Sometimes.
Reg has a cold (or a feather up his nose, or something) and keeps sneezing bird snot all over me.
posted by GBE at 10:14 am
7 Comments:
Pink shirts with collars - they rock. You have to turn the collar up; that is the way to fit in with the uber-cool crowd.
Sarcasm, dear friend, you may be the lowest form of wit but you are a loyal friend...
I say buy yourself some birkenstocks. And instead of getting your hair cut all trendy why don't you shave it all off leaving nothing but the fringe?
I always wondered what the *highest* form of wit was... It probably only occurs on fake book review cards.
IMHO, pink shirts (and men's fashion in general now that I think about it) must be a joke to try and squeeze the most homophobic segment of the population into the queerest clothes possible. It gets worse every year.
Ha! Too true Mark.
Ikea has just arrived in Adelaide. You must of course deck your new apartment out in the latest of Swedish interior design.
Imagine! House parties will soon look like they do on TV, complete with airbrushing and fake tans!
There was a girl on my bus the other day whose head was shaved save for a pink mohawk and some bits near her ear. Her eyebrows were also pink. Before this becomes totally irrelevant I suggest that G.B.E. get such a do because it was clearly so cool it was off the freakin planet [also think of piercing EVERYTHING].
Maybe you could have the small dog dyed pink as well...
Does anyone else get the impression that Mark is struggling with his metrosexuality? :p
I'd be wary of letting a bird eject the contents of his nose all over you. Haven't you heard of the recent bird-flu epidemic sweeping the globe?
Typical, she's nice to my face but slags me off on someone else's site...
Don, but then I'd be leaving the most annoying part! I think maybe shave the fringe and leave the back part long. Ooh, so stylish.
Mark, I don't think I'm anti-pink shirts, I think I'm just anti-men who spend more time getting ready than I do.
Audrey, you've gotta love flat-packed furniture. Anything involving an Allen Key is out of the question after the infamous Bed Incident, I'm afraid. But I'll aim for the sparse/solid (but mainly white) colours look, which will definitely be necessary to fit in.
Nails, I once had a piercing. I was very cool until it became swollen and infected and I cried out in pain every time I brushed my hand against my ear. Piercings hate me. Shaving my head is a good idea - I've always wanted to see the shape of my head and whether I've got any interesting moles on there. Random pink bits on my head would provide hours of entertainment.
Kezza, every time he sneezes I comment that if he ever gets bird flu, I am DEAD. As soon as bird flu sweeps Australia, I swear I'll stop showering in bird snot. Or I'll die first. Either way, I'll stop.
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